The Courage to Change Careers with Lauren Young Durbin

TUP EP 098

Aransas: [: 00:00:00

Hey, Uplifters, this is Aransas. We have such a fun episode for you today. I'm talking to Lauren Young Durbin, a career coach. And this conversation just really brought me back to my life four years [00:00:30] ago. I had been working for the same company for 18 years. I'd had all these amazing experiences. I worked with amazing people, I got to really feel like I was having a positive impact through my work.[00:00:45]

o feel like Groundhog Day. I [: 00:01:00

I knew I loved coaching, and because so much of my work was based in [00:01:15] coaching, they sent me to coaching school. And I learned how much I had already learned about coaching through all of my work and behavior change with my company. And as I looked at what coaches were doing, I got really excited [00:01:30] thinking about, Oh, what could a career as a coach be?

ecause as much as I loved my [: 00:01:45

I was living in my space of genius, as I like to say. I was doing what I'm [00:02:00] really good and impactful at and really enjoy. But there were also a lot of things I was tasked with doing that I didn't love doing and that, frankly, I wasn't all that great at. And so I finally set a deadline for myself [00:02:15] to leave that job.

ve because I didn't know for [: 00:02:30

And it was one of the most exhilarating and [00:02:45] terrifying moments of my life. And I remember crying so, so, so, so, so, so hard. And I wasn't even sure if I was crying with relief and excitement or if I was crying with sheer terror. And I kept saying to my friend who was the [00:03:00] representative for HR there, I said, like, I don't know.

ience and so many things you [: 00:03:15

I have. I've experimented with so many different ways of being of service and living in my space of genius. And frankly, I'm still figuring it all out. And there are times when I'm like, Oh, this, this is [00:03:45] all I want to do in the world. And I'm like, Ooh, that looks like fun, too. But the truth is, I'm always kind of doing the same thing.

doing what I do best, which [: 00:04:00

But as long as I'm doing that, I [00:04:15] know I'm happy. All the other things, how do I make money, how do I live the life I want, it all keeps working out and I keep getting invited into rooms that I really want to be in and I keep asking to be invited into rooms I want to be in to do things [00:04:30] I want to do and it's those two things together that have made this the most amazing four years and it still just feels like the beginning.

t her journey from sort of a [: 00:04:45

I hope you enjoy this episode. All right, let's get into it. Lauren, thanks so much for being here. Thank you for

Lauren: having me.

Aransas: So how did you end up a career coach, Lauren?

Lauren: I didn't have a [: 00:05:15

Like, okay, for instance, at the time I wanted to go to law school because I wanted to become ultimately a senator, but [00:05:30] I wanted to get into politics. And at the time, most of the people had law degrees. And so she just kind of went through like, yeah, this is how you do this. And I realized that's not, necessarily the kind of coaching I would want or need it.

I needed someone to [: 00:05:45

Aransas: [00:06:00] And why had you turned to a career coach to begin with?

I don't know what I want to [: 00:06:15

And I'm like, no, you're crazy. I'm not, no, no, that's not me. Why did you think it wasn't you? It wasn't something that I really had exposure to. I didn't really [00:06:30] have small business. I mean, I went to small businesses, but it wasn't something that I had direct exposure to. I didn't know anyone who was an entrepreneur other than the career coach that I worked with.

it wasn't something that was [: 00:06:45

Aransas: No, why would I do that? Isn't that interesting how we limit ourselves just based on lack of exposure? What was at stake for you when you started down this new [00:07:00] career path?

And then I had my twin boys. [: 00:07:15

I've put so much time, energy, investment in this thing, but haven't really focused on it. What is it that I really want? [00:07:30] And I had the time and space to think about it. I ended up losing my job. So then I had even more time to focus on it. So Yeah, when I first started, I didn't really have much invested. It wasn't much at stake, and it reflected in [00:07:45] how well the business did.

festyle I want. I realized I [: 00:08:00

Now I have these two little boys. My mom lives with us. That was a reason why before, but I have like a set. Okay, this lifestyle thing is real. It isn't just me living my life up. It's so stereotypical, isn't it? It's like [00:08:30] I had kids and then I had to get serious.

Aransas: One of our recent guests, Daisy Ocejo Minguez, said, you know, we have to put a roof over our heads.

e lifestyle I want. Exactly. [: 00:08:45

And the financial resources I need from working from somebody else. I'm going to go all in on this career coaching thing. What did you change?

ay entrepreneurship's up and [: 00:09:15

I would tell people, if it doesn't work out, it's okay, take a step back. Just stay in it. Because I went all in. It wasn't going gangbusters. And so I'm like, okay, well, I need to work [00:09:45] because that builds a pay two babies and double the pampers, double the formula, double everything. So I took a step back and so I found a position that allowed me to still work on my business, but also was steady [00:10:00] income.

ibilities. I didn't give up. [: 00:10:15

It isn't easy, but I figured out like what I need to do to do what I want to do. When you say I'm working

s, what does that look like? [: 00:10:30

Lauren: It's really planning on like figuring out who my customers are. who my potential clients are, what do they actually want? Finding that overlap of what do they need and want and what do I want to give.

I [: 00:10:45

Aransas: Yeah. And are you talking specifically about figuring out what your niche is and what you're focusing on?

n I first started coaching I [: 00:11:15

And then it became a little bit broader, but [00:11:30] narrower. So, middle career women who are going through transitions. So that doesn't necessarily mean changing careers. It could be pivoting. I have clients who are stay at home moms, or they're taking care of families, so they're trying to re enter [00:11:45] the workforce.

So, That's kind of where I am now.

Aransas: Yeah, it's interesting. I think a lot of coaches talk about coaching themselves. And as we change, who we coach changes. Yes, definitely.

en: As I grow as a person, I [: 00:12:00

So it's all about being adaptable and being able to pivot [00:12:15] when you have to. And as I grow and I pivot and I figure out what works for me, that just adds to my toolbox to help my customers and to understand where they're coming from.

Aransas: So what are [: 00:12:30

Lauren: I am going to be going full time, speaking it into existence and to be able to broaden who I work with.

Right now, I mostly do [: 00:12:45

But if you teach a woman to read, you teach a whole [00:13:15] family or whole community. So that's really where I get my motivations. Like my small way of helping improve the world, making it better for my boys. So to be able to go full time to help more women in different ways, [00:13:30] And to be accessible to more people because we can do it.

nd helping people believe in [: 00:13:45

And I think everyone [00:14:00] does. But first up is recognizing, like the question you just asked, okay, so what's holding me back? Is it something like, I actually don't have the time, or I don't have the expertise? And for me it is, A lot of it's I'm tired. And so I have [00:14:15] to learn to really work smarter and figure out.

y morning person. So I would [: 00:14:30

Aransas: myself.

Yeah, I think that's [: 00:14:45

Music: Yes.

aying that self judgment and [: 00:15:00

Lauren: Yes. I've gotten back into reading.

sure to do one thing for me [: 00:15:15

Aransas: Yeah. And it counts. Right? Yes. I think one of the biggest mistakes [00:15:30] we make is expecting more of ourselves than we can realistically give.

Lauren: Yes. And

Aransas: that is inherently demotivating. Yes.

Lauren: Yes. Definitely.

ould have done better. Yeah. [: 00:15:45

Lauren: Get out of my head. That's it. That's exactly the thing.

a real job. I'm like, that's [: 00:16:00

Right. Right. We've got bigger problems. Yes. Let's

Aransas: take a step back here. And also, let's talk to your friend because why is she friends with somebody like you? Yes.

Lauren: What's going on?

ansas: What scares you about [: 00:16:30

Lauren: of people, the uncertainty, because if you work for someone else, you know, every Friday, every month or whatever, you know, when your paycheck's coming, when you go all in and you [00:16:45] are working for yourself.

want to call it a hustle or [: 00:17:00

It has not worked sometimes. But I would say that's probably my main

Aransas: concern. How [: 00:17:15

Lauren: I try to think of ways to make it less risky and less uncertain. Getting a day job, quote unquote, is one way of doing that. And so I'm building the foundation so that when I make the leap.[00:17:30]

nsition. So yeah, I think of [: 00:17:45

Aransas: Yeah. I think from a process standpoint, what that looks like is identify consciously what you're afraid of.

ike, what is the risk? Like, [: 00:18:00

Yes. You have a plan and then you work the plan. Yeah. And it sounds so simple except [00:18:30] most of us in some area of our lives are living with the big like blurry monster. Yes. I'm just afraid and I'm just stuck and I don't know why.

Lauren: Yeah. And you generally

ust don't want to tackle the [: 00:18:45

You're like, uh, because then I have to do something about it. Maybe we know, but we usually haven't said it. I find that once we say it out loud and we like name it and we get clear about what, Like, what the features of the fear are. We're like, oh, [00:19:00] that's what's holding me back.

Lauren: Yeah. And also, I think a lot of people get stuck with what other people will think, you know, because you can identify it, work on it, and you speak it.

y're like, oh, no, you can't [: 00:19:15

You can talk about something else, talk about [00:19:30] what's happening on Real Housewives or something, but you do have to guard your peace in the sense of if someone isn't being supportive and like negative support, because I don't, again, I don't believe in just blind support. If they're asking you questions to [00:19:45] help you grow, that's one thing, but if they're just naysayers, that's okay.

They can be another part of your life, just not in this part.

act with people. You spend a [: 00:20:00

Lauren: Definitely the money. [00:20:15] They're like, I don't know if I'll be able to make. The same amount of money and that's a huge one and it's like, well, have you looked into how much people are making in your area and usually they haven't or another one is that they're like, I don't have [00:20:30] any skills and you're still employed.

are transferable to another [: 00:20:45

I just don't want to do this anymore, but I don't know what I want to do. And I would say most times they actually do, they just don't think they can. So they're just like, I [00:21:00] don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I want to do.

Aransas: How do you help trigger that realization?

t I have is that I listen to [: 00:21:15

And so a lot of times, you'll see a pattern of what they're talking about. I have them do exercises. I have them, for a week, write down all the jobs that you just find interesting. You don't do anything with it other than [00:21:30] make a list. And a lot of times there's a pattern that keeps coming up. During our conversations, they keep talking about something and I'm like, well, okay, have you thought about this?

wo, I don't think I can make [: 00:21:45

You know, is this something you can start on the side and you build? [00:22:00] So that's really a big part of it. I think

Aransas: too, people are like you, tired. Yes. So how do you help them get excited about doing all that extra legwork? I kind of

Lauren: frame it [: 00:22:15

That we don't have much that's for us. [00:22:30] So when you make it your thing, it becomes important and more precious. So it doesn't have to be. And also, you know, I'm like, it doesn't, you don't have to spend an hour every night doing it. Most people don't have, if you have an hour every night to do this, I want you to take [00:22:45] half of that and do something that's really fun, that fills you up.

al part of doing it because, [: 00:23:00

That's such

sas: a huge shift, isn't it? [: 00:23:15

Lauren: Yeah. And be brave enough to say no to the things you don't want to [00:23:30] do. I'm great at saying no. I always tell people, like, if you need someone that need help saying no, let me know.

I don't want to, and I don't [: 00:23:45

Aransas: to. So, no. So, you've always been good at that.

Lauren: Uh, no.

Aransas: Yeah.

Lauren: I never understood. They're like, no, it's a full sentence.

And I'm like, why are they telling people that that's

Aransas: obviously, of [: 00:24:00

Lauren: No, it's just that, I mean, it depends on what it is. I might say no, here's an alternative. I may give a reason. It depends on [00:24:15] who's asking me. It's like that's not really a priority of mine right now.

hinking of me, but yeah, I'm [: 00:24:30

But I'll say, you know, I'll keep it in mind in case something comes up that someone is a better fit. I love it.

that's a practicable skill. [: 00:24:45

Yeah. That's huge. And it's rare and [00:25:00] big kudos to your mom for supporting that. She even loved

Lauren: it. Cause I was often saying

out of their kids, so, yeah. [: 00:25:15

How do you take care of you, Lauren? I read a lot.

always been a big reader. I [: 00:25:30

The biggest thing I've had to learn is that I don't always have to be productive in the traditional sense. Doing something that's playing a game, reading a book [00:26:00] that's not for work or whatever, that's still productive because you have to have that rest time, too. That was probably the biggest skill that I've I've learned and I've worked on and I'm still working on it.

Uh, it's hard to, I'm [: 00:26:15

Aransas: Yeah. I think I'm going to go take a nap right after this. Thanks to you. I will feel better for all my evening meetings. Exactly. [00:26:30] Lauren, thank you so much for sharing your experience and your story with us.

I hope that you hear in this [: 00:26:45

Thank you for listening to the uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share them with the uplifters in your life and then join [00:27:15] us in conversation over at the uplifters podcast. com head over to Spotify, Apple podcast, or. Wherever you get your podcast and like, follow and rate our show, it'll really help us connect [00:27:30] with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories.

Mm,

rosemary. And I'm dwelling, [: 00:27:45

Lift you up.

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, [: 00:28:30

I [00:28:45] cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice. Right, in the pre chorus, right? I was like Mommy, stop crying. You're disturbing the peace.