Episode 36
Do It (or Don’t) with Kara Cutruzzula: How to Activate Your Dreams (if you want to)
Are you struggling to take the first steps towards your dreams or keep them moving forward? Author Kara Cutruzzula and I have become experts at this. But we don’t do it alone, thanks to a superpowered weekly phone call + run that we call VFTR (Virtual Friday Therapy Run). In celebration of Kara’s awesome new book Do It (or Don’t), the third in her bestselling series which includes Do It For Yourself and Do It Today, we wanted to invite you along for a VFTR with us! You’ll hear us challenge and inspire each other, and our hope is that you’ll be able to take some of these ideas and apply them to your own big dreams — no running required!
5 things you’ll learn:
- How to overcome the paralysis of inaction by breaking down tasks and focusing on the first steps.
- How closing Open Loops can contribute to a calmer, focused mindset.
- How to work with your mind’s natural rhythms, create deep work blocks, and align your schedule with your priorities.
- The power of authentic connections and building a supportive community around your goals.
- How we embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, learning, and refining our paths.
Lace up your shoes (or not) and let’s goooooo!
You can always listen right here in your email, where you’ll also receive full transcripts (edited and condensed for clarity). But please also subscribe directly to The Uplifters on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Substack, or YouTube, or follow our TikTok for uplifting daily videos. Just click one of those links to subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.
If you want more conversations like this one, consider going paid. Producing a weekly podcast requires a significant investment of time and resources from several talented people. Paid subscriptions make all of our work possible!
More about Kara:
Kara Cutruzzula is a writer, editor, playwright, and musical theater lyricist. Her work is meant to inspire and delight viewers and readers. Her most recent book, Do It (or Don’t): A Boundary-Creating Journal, encourages readers to say “no” more often and reclaim their time for what matters most.
Where to find Kara:
Website: www.karacutruzzula.com
Substack: www.brassringdaily.substack.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/karacut
Transcript
Welcome to the Uplifters podcast. I'm your host, Aransas Savas. And today I am joined by one of the most important people in my life, my friend Kara Cutruzzula.
Aransas Savas (:For those of you who don't already know Kara from me talking about her incessantly, she's a writer, an editor, a playwright, a musical theater lyricist. Her work inspires and delights people. She brings perspective and joy with the loving and powerful questions she asks, the honesty with which she shares her own story. she's the author of three incredible journals most recently, Do It or Don't.
Boundary Creating Journal, which encourages readers to say no more often and reclaim their time for what matters most. But she's also the host of the incredible Do It Today podcast, which like most of her work and absolutely all of mine has some roots and something we lovingly call VFTR.
it stands for Virtual Friday Therapy Run. Originally it was FTR pre-pandemic. We would meet up and go for a lap at Prospect Park every Friday morning.. And then on those runs, we were like, dang, that was like therapy.
dang, that was really clarifying and valuable. I saw how to get out of my own way and how to keep moving forward and turn ideas into plans. And it became so valuable that we had to name it and ritualize it. And then during the pandemic, of course, that became harder and Cara moved away from Brooklyn. And yet...
Aransas Savas (:It was so important to us by that point that we had to figure out how to keep it going. every Friday we call each other and then we try to start out, with a recap of our days or our weeks. And very quickly we get stuck on one thing that's really been piling up in our brains. And we ask each other questions and we dig around in the stories for me, it's honestly been more important than therapy in a lot of ways. It's been more life-changing and it's free, which is crazy. And so today,
We're going to do something we came up with on one of our VFTRs, which is talk to each other and work our way through some of the big questions in Kara's new Boundary Creating Journal to see what we can discover and uncover for ourselves in the course of this conversation. We're also going to talk a little about our days, because that's what Kara does on her podcast, Do It Today.
Kara Cutruzzula (:I love that you have dug into exactly what the VFTR is, because I feel like that framing device has totally changed it for me, too. It's not just, oh, we talk every week and catch up. It's really purposeful and just acts as a way to reflect on what happened this week, because we both talked about how we have
terrible memories and so we'll be talking on Friday and be like, oh my gosh, something really amazing happened on Tuesday. I already forgot and if I didn't take the second to tell someone else about it, it might just kind of fade away. And so celebrating our wins and working through anything that needs to be worked through is the twin goal, I think, for me of the.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Kara Cutruzzula (:of our little VFTRs and then also maintaining and deepening our friendship and I feel like everyone should have that kind of regular low pressure important and crucial anchor to their week. So it's definitely been life-changing for me too and I think we're probably on year, I don't know, four?
five, six of infinity.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah. Yes, please. I'm so glad you bring up the friendship piece of it too, because that is, as much as the work part of it has been really wonderful, for me so much of it was about cultivating friendships with people I really admire.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Because friendships are active. I think we forget that friendships take energy, they take activation, they take repetition of just reaching out. And then when we're lacking that, I think we can forget that, you can find it again. it's all about like choosing, and finding the people who really light you up, who you really want to talk to on Friday at 7 a.m.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:, if it wasn't you, it's like, would it happen? I'm not sure, but we both know we're gonna bring like, if not our best selves, but a version of ourselves that is ready to show up and be present for the other person.
Aransas Savas (:same.
Aransas Savas (:And I think a big piece of this is that we have made it super, super high value.
And I really believe that we are most likely to show up for the most high value moments in our lives. And so we get a lot out of it personally, professionally, the friendship, but we're also running. And so there's that added incentive to actually show up for the run that we want to do and that we know will make us feel better. And it gets us out of bed a little earlier and it gets us fresh air even on a bleak or snowy day. That feels good.
And so by stockpiling so much value in a single moment, it becomes totally non-negotiable.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Exactly. And I don't even put it on my calendar anymore because I just know.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:that it's there. So I think that that's, in a way, I would call it like a certain kind of boundary or structure on my life because it's , non-negotiable. It's there Friday mornings, even if it's a quick 45 minutes or an hour,, you can just like rely on it,to .
Kara Cutruzzula (:offer both the perspective that we need at the end of the week and f enter the weekend and the next week with a renewed sense of what we actually want to be doing, what we can do next. Even on like the bad weeks, I feel like we always try to find something to kind of push forward or activate, , in, the next couple of days. On the Uplifters podcast, I talked to a lot of really inspiring women. I always ask them, what do you do to take care of you while you're busy taking care of everyone and everything else? Invariably, relationships and talking out, whether it's through coaching or therapy or ministry or friendship comes up.
as a core piece of how these women support and sustain their good work in the world. And so for me, this is my answer to that. And there are lots of other support systems built up in my life. But I think it's pretty universal that we need that. And so I have this hope that if people are listening to this right now and thinking, oh, I don't have that, this is just one more way to build that, that's super accessible.
and that we have an opportunity to actively create for ourselves.
Kara Cutruzzula (:, and I think it's just a different way to think about self-care, because normally when I hear that term, this wouldn't fall into that bucket. I think a yoga class, I think taking a bath, I think taking yourself to a movie or a pedicure or something, but thinking about what you actually really need, what activates you, or also what gives you that kind of rest. Andhaving that engagement with someone else
Aransas Savas (:Mm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:just make that like boiling pot of your brain kind of set to simmer a little bit more. And you're just kind of, taking a big breath together. it's a beautiful way to look at a different kind of self-care.
I think, a big reason why VFTR works so well and is so important to me week after week after week. And I mean, I'm fully into giving myself the freedom for it not to be infinity either, right? I like to keep my options open and to keep choosing my way forward. That just feels really good to me to keep saying like, do I want to do this? Hell yeah.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm. Right. And I think that that's the point of do it or don't, right? It's making the decision and realizing every day and everything that we're doing, how often we tell ourselves, oh, I have to do this. Even I'll say things for things that I like. Oh, I have to write that newsletter. I have to post that podcast. I don't actually have to do most things. I can choose to do it, , and I think showing up and choosing.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:No. Mm-mm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:the things that you're really passionate about allows you to enter them with that sense of excitement and joy and enthusiasm and maybe nervousness, instead of saying, this is another obligation that I have to do over and over again.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Aransas Savas (:I was just thinking you wrote the journal that we both needed at the time that we needed it because we both have a strong tendency toward what I think of as hyper-accountability. If we say yes to something, we will move mountains to make it happen. And sometimes that means making ourselves crazy along the way. And
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:continuing on even past a point where it feels healthy or helpful or good. And it's one of the things we challenge each other on. And when we hear that little obligation voice start to crop up in our storytelling about the things that we're doing, we get curious with each other about whether we still even wanna do it just to maybe, and we're both tuned into it because we're both sensitive to that tendency in ourselves.
And so by asking it, I think we remind ourselves and each other that we do have choice.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Right, why are you doing that? Why are you moving that project forward? What about it still excites you? Do you have that sense of joy and enthusiasm in your voice anymore? if I say yes, I really wanna show up, I really want to do my best work, give 110%, I think it's a little bit of perfectionism, but it's also just like, I said yes, so I'm going to follow through. So instead of saying, well, I'm gonna dial that down till you can get 60% of me, I think being careful with.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Kara Cutruzzula (:how we choose from the very beginning, what we're letting into our orbit has to be that first gate that we put down and say, is this a yes, is this a no? And if it's a maybe, what questions can I ask to get it to either one of those?
Aransas Savas (:Yes. And my problem in truth is that everything sounds exciting to me, because everything sounds like a chance to learn or to connect with other people or to experience something new. And those three, like I do motivational profile assessments with clients all the time. Those are three of my biggest motivators. And so of course, I'm going to say yes to...
just about anything that is offered to me. And I've said, yes, there's some weird stuff in my life, which has made my life rich and interesting and fun, and also sometimes overwhelming. So my new tool for myself, because I think for those of us who say yes to things all the time, there's a reason. And so to figure out how to work past it, we have to figure out what that reason is so that our tactics are well aligned with the specific challenge. And for me, I understand the challenge. And so my new one is
Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing. Can I have 24 hours to think about it?
Kara Cutruzzula (:Ugh, that's so good.
Aransas Savas (:I can't do that full assessment that you're talking about, about the cost and the benefit and the reward and whether it fits with my life. And I can't do it in the moment because I'm too excited.
Kara Cutruzzula (:But I love too, you're giving yourself a deadline in that too. You're not saying, oh my gosh, should I do it? Should I not? you're saying, this is interesting enough to get through that first step and now I'm gonna have 24 hours to think about it. I can weigh the pros and cons. I can also see, are you going to have to remove anything from your life to incorporate that thing? Because if we're
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:almost at the overwhelm level and we take on one more thing, I think something that sounds really amazing can quickly turn into something we dread just by virtue of what it's surrounded by in your life and if it actually has the time and space in your life that you want to give it. But 24 hours, it's a great tactic.
Aransas Savas (:Right.
Aransas Savas (:Thanks, thanks, I love a forcing function. it just was about shifting my expectations of myself as much as anything.
So I know on your show you talk to people about their days. What does your day look like today, Kara?
Kara Cutruzzula (:Oh, it's so funny you asked that. My day, , it started with sleeping in a lot because I was really tired and I am going to run a marathon on Saturday and I actually had your voice in my head which said,
Aransas Savas (:Hehehe
Kara Cutruzzula (:you need to sleep more the week before. And I thought, do I wanna wake up, make myself tired for the rest of the day and maybe get some stuff done, but also be really exhausted the entire day? Or do I just want to sleep that extra hour and a half and catch up later today and probably only get done the things that really need to get done today? So...
Aransas Savas (:Yes.
Kara Cutruzzula (:one question I've been asking myself every day this week is, what is the one most important thing to do today? And I kind of hate it because I wanna say, well, I actually have four things, I actually have five things, but what is like the one thing that I need to get done that will make this a successful day has been really helpful.
Aransas Savas (:Mmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:because , it makes me actually assess each thing next to each other. And so,, I wanna edit a podcast, I need to do some editing work, I have a bunch of emails to get back to, lots and lots of things, but that one thing has been a very kind of directed to do on my to-do list, at least for the last week, , I love a little strategy and then I might quickly forget about it or abandon it. But...
It's been useful at this busy time with a lot of different pulls on my attention.
Aransas Savas (:It's interesting too because one of the questions in do it or don't is what's the most important priority in your life right now. And so in essence, that's what you are practicing, but in the most practical way, because once you identify what's the most important thing in your life, well, what does that mean? Right? Unless that turns into a filter for your day-to-day actions, then it's just an idea and probably going to lead to a big guild hangover.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:that you're not attending to the most important priority.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Yeah, and that most important priority can be a six month, 12 month goal, whatever it is. But narrowing it down to, am I moving that forward on a day-to-day basis? And you made me realize what I thought was when my one most important thing today is not the most important thing today. And so I'll make an adjustment and I will carve out.
Aransas Savas (:Come.
Kara Cutruzzula (:even 20 minutes to do the one most important thing. And then I'll just feel that little sense of relief, that sense of satisfaction that I completed something that is really important to me and really meaningful to me. And I can be there for everyone else in my life. I can get back to people. I can help other people with their goals, but even having that like 20 minutes helps propel me to do those other things for other people.
what has your day looked like so far? What are you doing today?
Aransas Savas (:So my day has also been different than usual. I'm, I don't think I'm a very rigid person in general. Maybe I am more than I think, but I do go to bed at 10 p.m. every day and I do wake up at 6 a.m. every day. And yet.
Last night was the Signal Awards, so we got all dressed up and went to the reception with all the other fancy podcasters and then went out to dinner and celebrated that. And I knew it was my husband's birthday today, his 50th. And so I took the morning off, which, yay me for thinking about my future self. That doesn't always happen. But in this case, I was like,
past self, I like you, you're doing great. And so I slept in till probably seven and I still did all my morning routine. So I'm taking a break from connections and Wordle right now, . I used to like really do my connections, Wordle and Duolingo every morning. But I realized I was spending more time on those puzzles and getting very little joy out of them other than the connection with my family via the family text to check in on it.
And so I've just decided I set a five-minute timer. Whatever happens of those three things in five minutes, that's what happens that day. So I still touch them, but I'm just not spending half an hour with them because it just wasn't serving me. I have added this week experimenting with two new things. So I'm doing a two to five minute meditation because I've just not been as consistent with meditation or my own daily reflection as...
I might like to be and I say maybe because I don't know. I'm gonna experiment with it for a little bit and if I love it, I'll keep going. If I don't, I'll stop. And then I'm doing one minute of EFT. So tapping, emotional freedom technique. I go on Instagram, there's an account that posts them and I have to say I'm only three days into my new meditation tapping ad and it's really been grounding.
Aransas Savas (:And I really am enjoying it. So then went down to my building's gym, did a workout, did a short run, came home, got myself showered and all of that business. And then my husband and I went out to breakfast for his birthday. Got my very favorite sandwich in the whole world. And then came home and saw a client, stepped in to meet you.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Thank you.
Aransas Savas (:Then I'll write a newsletter, do some work on these focus groups that I've been leading for the work that I do for companies. And then I will take my daughter to a doctor's appointment and order some sushi for my husband's birthday dinner and get myself to bed at 10. So it's a rich puzzle every day.
Kara Cutruzzula (:I love this idea that you knew last night was going to be an exception and it's a worthwhile exception. You were so excited about it that it's like, I will adjust all of the next day to make it work. And then you don't have to ...
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Kara Cutruzzula (:be rigid about that routine and to force yourself up and to feel tired and you can enjoy time with your family and building those things in ahead of time, , is kind of the secret to feeling like we're in control of our day, right?
Aransas Savas (:Yes, yes, because the idea of this life that I was designing was not to say no to everything I love that doesn't work.
It was in service of everything that I love that isn't work. And work is something I love. I mean, I really like my work, and I get great joy and purpose out of it, but it's not the only thing. And so because I enjoy it so much, I think it's like candy for some people. I have to just consciously monitor how much of myself I pour into it and make sure that I'm still showing up for the other things.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Well, and this makes me think about something we often talk about, which is our capacity. And you are a very high capacity person. We can give you a really big plate and add a million. I mean, it looks like Thanksgiving dinner on there. There's a million different wonderful, amazing foods to eat. And you can handle a lot. when,, do you realize it's too much?
or I need to scale back in certain ways, or I'm not focusing on the things that really deserve my energy right now. How do you live life with a high capacity?
Aransas Savas (:So for me, in truth, I think it's less about how much I'm doing or even what I'm doing. It's more about these monthly patterns for me. I have weeks of extreme high energy, clarity and focus. And my to-do list, which I will often cross 60 things off a to-do list in a day, plus have 10 meetings. I mean, it's, I don't...
I don't, because there'll be a three minute margin and I will get things crossed off that list in that three minute margin. So it is very high capacity and it is a very full plate. And some weeks, the list starts to just grow and grow. I keep my list on Post-its. And sometimes there'll be like six Post-its that are sitting there languishing. And I'm like, oh, this is a problem. This is one of those weeks. And so on those weeks, I actually just say, okay.
It's one of those weeks and I'm gonna nap every day this week. Other weeks I have no desire to nap and I just , I feel like the tasks are flying off the post. They're just happening magically and it is, it's about my level of focus. And I said to you the other week when I was having one of those really unfocused weeks that I felt like I was copying things and forgetting where they went before I pasted them.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:And I think that's kind of what happens in my brain when it's not in flow. And for me, it's just been a matter of not expecting myself to be in flow all the time. I stay in flow a lot, and I'm trying to be really accepting of not being in flow too, and accept that as a part of the process.
Kara Cutruzzula (:It can so quickly shift. I had a week like that last week, and then three things happen, and you go, I have a whole new level of energy. And maybe it's not even like I got 10 hours of sleep, but suddenly I found something to be really excited by. I found something to dip me into that flow state and to keep that kind of.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Kara Cutruzzula (:good current of energy going through the other things you're doing in your life, it sounds very, uh, accepting, I guess, for yourself to , to , not judge those times when you don't have the capacity or the flow that you normally have and to recognize that you can always find it again, .
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:I will find it a lot faster if I'm not judging myself. It's the judgment that slows me down and deepens the lack of flow.
Kara Cutruzzula (:No, totally. I think that that's when we get into the wallowing or this why is this happening to me kind of mindset, which,can really, bring you to a standstill in a way that.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:feels hard to get out of and hard to find that activation again. So I like this idea of
Kara Cutruzzula (:finding the belief that you will get back there again, I think.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah, yeah, because I think if we can trust that the inner chatter quiets and lets us listen to what we really need.
Aransas Savas (:Can I ask you a question from your journal now?
Kara Cutruzzula (:Oh sure, let's do it.
Aransas Savas (:I'm going to begin at the beginning. I think this is one of, if not the first question in the entire journal. It says, setting good boundaries starts with self-respect. Share a few positive qualities about yourself.
Kara Cutruzzula (:I really make people feel that out in the beginning of the journal, that's hard. I, when I say I'm gonna show up, I show up. I feel like I'm very generous with my time and energy towards people who.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm. It's good.
Kara Cutruzzula (:come to me for certain things. I like helping people move forward in their life, in their projects, in their careers. And it's selfish way because I feel like it gives me a lot back. I feel more energized about my own things that I'm doing.
Kara Cutruzzula (:I am not afraid to be a beginner at something. I've started a lot of things, especially the last 10 or so years, working for myself, , started consulting with people, started writing books, started learning how to write musicals. There's just a lot of starting over and over again, And that, that...
beginning stage is really fun for me. acquiring a new skill is something that feels very valuable to me. So those are a few things that I feel like I do well.
Aransas Savas (:also true.
Kara Cutruzzula (:I'm glad.
Aransas Savas (:I mean, I could go on with 30 other things I admire about you, but yeah, those are three really big ones. I'm so excited.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Can I ask you a question? Okay, this is fun. Oh my gosh, maybe this is how everyone should interact with the journal. This is...
Aransas Savas (:Okay.
Aransas Savas (:I know. That would be really fun, wouldn't it? For those of us who struggle to put pen to paper, just have someone you love and trust ask you the questions.
Kara Cutruzzula (:The wheels are turning in my head now. This is a logistical type of question, but what is one plan, event or task you've been meaning to do, but have been putting it off? Break it down into easy steps here.
Aransas Savas (:Hehehehehe
Aransas Savas (:Okay.
Aransas Savas (:Okay, what have I been meaning to do? All right. So, my podcast has been doing really great. It's really been growing. And it's really been fulfilling. of all the things I've ever done, I've done a bunch of things like you. I've been pretty fearless and just like experimenting.
and trying things, nothing has felt as truly good and right as the podcast in my work. And so I interviewed someone this week and she was talking about how amazing it was hosting her podcast for a year and how she had to quit because she was so overwhelmed with the day-to-day work of it.
maintaining a full-time job at the same time because the vast majority of people doing podcasts are not earning any money off of them and so we take on a full-time job in addition to our full-time job. And that's not sustainable. So I was like, thank you for reminding me of what I have to figure out and what I just keep punting on, which is I have to figure out how to work with brands to...
fund the work with the podcast. I know it's good. I know it's valuable. I know it's helpful. And I've got to keep it going. I could do ads like those like pre-programmed like, let's take a break for an ad.
I could get brand sponsorships and talk about things that I love and have them sponsor the show. That feels better to me because it feels more in choice and in integrity. I could sell the show to a company. There's all these different options. The easiest one is probably brand partnerships. And so I think to do that, the first step would be to make r a proposal deck that says,
Aransas Savas (:This is who we are. This is what we do. And this is why you should work with us and we would be really valuable to you. And I have a picture to my head, but the picture's not quite clear enough that I feel really confident about doing it. And that's not true. I know how to do the deck. I know what it looks like. I know what we'd say. I know it would sound really valuable because there's just so many reasons.
why this is a great show and worth sponsoring. I don't wanna ask people to do it.
That's what's getting in the way. I don't want to ask sponsors to sponsor us because that feels awkward and weird and needy. And that's the real hiccup. It's not making, I'm not making the deck because I don't want to use it, even though I want the outcome of using it.
Kara Cutruzzula (:That sounds like a important revelation. And I do want to gently push back on this idea that they are sponsoring you because technically that's what they would be doing. But I think they're supporting you. you're going to find people who are aligned with your mission, aligned with what you're doing, who are excited by you, and you're bringing them into this.
Aransas Savas (:Hahaha
Kara Cutruzzula (:movement, this company, this collection of people, you're like allowing them in, in the same way you allow in the listeners and the guests and everyone else who will get to hear it in the future. does that reframe help at all in your approach to finding people to bring them in and get them on your team, I guess? Or does it still feel like I need you?
Aransas Savas (:Well, the truth is they need this space. I mean like the only reason somebody's gonna sponsor me is not to be nice, but because it would be valuable to them. And so that does help because it feels less obligatory. And one of the things you and I come back to a lot is...
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:We do not force anyone, to interact with us or our work. We offer it, and we offer it as loudly as possible in hopes that it can find the people who really need it. But I do get trapped sometimes in this feeling of like asking somehow obligates other people to respond, which is such a bunch of baloney.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Yes, sir.
Kara Cutruzzula (:that's covered in the book as well, that other people know their own boundaries and they know what they wanna say yes or no to. No one is going to sign on to something that they don't want to do, And so having that faith that other people can make their own decisions about...
Aransas Savas (:Hehehehe
Kara Cutruzzula (:where they want to spend their time, energy, money, whatever, is also really freeing to say, I'm giving you this opportunity. Maybe it's for you. Maybe it's not for you. If it is, great, let's move forward. And if it's not, I'm going to go find someone who really wants to take advantage of that.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah, yeah. And it's the exact same thing I would challenge my clients to do, and that's always what's funny is, the things that we are best at supporting other people through is often the hardest thing to support ourselves in. It's why we all need sounding boards. And the thing I come back to again and again, too, that I will repeat right now because I need to remind myself is that
I am 100% certain I am not doing anything to manipulate anyone. I am not doing anything untrue. I'm just saying the truth and sharing it. So how could that be bad or unhelpful? Because I believe always the truth is the right way.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Right, . So I wonder if you had the deck and if you were really proud of it and you liked how it looked and you were really excited by feeling it in your hands and seeing, , the statistics and everything that you've built in one nice little package, if that would be easier to then say, I'm gonna find someone to come on board.
Aransas Savas (:Yes. And then I just need to pick one friendly face to share it with. And that's it, one person. I don't need to worry about finding a sponsor. I don't need to worry about asking 50 people. I just need to make the asset.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:and share it with one person. And honestly, everything I've done in my work, that's all I've done. Make something and share it with at least one person. But it is, it's those first steps that are the hardest.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Now that we've broken them down, I feel like you really accomplished that question.
Aransas Savas (:Oh, I can't wait. I'm going to go. Let's not finish this conversation. I'm just going to go work on that.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Okay, go make it. We'll check back in on Friday. But how helpful to just articulate what those steps even look like. You're breaking down,, here's the big picture, why, what I'm avoiding, why I'm avoiding it.
here are some of the ways I can move towards that, but then getting really specific about, what is that next step? You already even know what it's going to look like. You need to pull up Canva and knowing you, it'll be done by the end of the day. And what if you could accomplish this by the time we talk three days from now and say, I made it and I sent it to that one friendly face and now I have more information for the next step. It's not, oh my gosh, and I've reached that goal and I have...
Aransas Savas (:Yes.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:signed a deal by Friday. It is I've just moved on from that first level of not having anything to I have something and that always helps us get to the next level.
Aransas Savas (:Yes. It's also, as you say that, assigned a deal. I'm like, that's the other hang up, is I don't know what the deal would look like. And one of the things I coach my clients on all the time and that I have to remind myself of is, of course I don't, because I haven't done this. But I'm not going to know unless I go have that conversation honestly and say, hey, this is new. Can we figure this out together?
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm. I don't have to figure it out alone, I'm going to figure it out with the person I'm talking to. And that'll, I'll know more next time.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:And looking too at the people already in your life who might be able to help you, who can have those answers to the questions. All you have to do is, , take the five minutes and ask them. And then you just have that little missing puzzle piece instead of saying, oh my gosh, this is, , uncharted territory. It's like, oh no, now I have the information. I'm just I'm excited to see where this one's gonna go I know where it's gonna go oh
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:I really needed this. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have a sponsor. I can promise you. All right, can I ask you a question? Okay. There's a page in the book where you say, okay, let's get down to basics. I want this, I do not want this.
Kara Cutruzzula (:short.
Aransas Savas (:I want this, I do not want this. And this is a practice I do with clients often, which is I want more of this, I want less of this, because I think it tunes us in to what we already know. So, so often, right, we get hung up on what we don't know. But we do know some things. So what do you know for sure you want more of and less of in your world right now?
Kara Cutruzzula (:I definitely want more deep work blocks in my day. I had a really wonderful stretch of, six or seven weeks where I had a schedule that felt really right, almost perfect, but needed some adjustments. And it involved two, two and a half hours of just...
singular focus on one task and that was working on a musical and that also involves it involves writing, researching, but having two and a half hours it seems like a luxury but also is actually a non-negotiable for me because maybe nothing happens in the first two hours maybe it's percolation and then that last half hour I find that missing puzzle piece and
as fall has commenced and ramped up and a lot of different obligations and things I'm choosing to bring into my life, I have not returned to that kind of blocky schedule where I can immerse myself in one thing, keep the phone in the other room, I'm not looking at my email, I'm just really moving forward and...
in a consistent way. That's something that I would just feel really good about bringing back into my life. And what I want less of is...
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:, we've talked about this open loops are not my friend, , any open loop, if it's like an errand that I need to run, it will consume and circle around in my brain if it's, , an interview I need to schedule, if it's an invoice I need to file, , I have been really good about doing a Friday practice of closing a bunch of loops. I, I.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-mm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:start to go through, I have like a little financial half hour where I'm like, let me go through all my accounts, let me file my invoices, let me button up all those things and let me clean up my desktop. I just noticed
Aransas Savas (:Hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:when I'm closing them, I feel calmer, I feel less distracted, I feel like I can find those deep focus blocks that really feel valuable to me. So intangible things, but I know it when I see it, what I need to close.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Aransas Savas (:It's like energetic quicksand for you. It's pulling at you. And so all the energy that you're using to stay out of the quicksand is then being detracted from what you really want to focus on.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Yes.
Kara Cutruzzula (:And most of the time those things don't take a huge amount of time. They might take, , logistical tinkering or asking for someone's help or setting aside two hours, but instead of coming to the end of the day and saying, oh my gosh, that loop is still open.
really frustrated by that. I know that I don't have the time to close it, and I just get frustrated the next day and the next day. So I think I will make a commitment right now to look at my calendar. There's three major loops that will involve multiple hours of work, but I need to break those down. And
decide when I'm going to do them because you're so right. That quicksand is a killer.
Aransas Savas (:Mm... Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And so many of them may not happen all at once. I don't know about you, but I feel like so many of the things in my work, I can activate a step , forward it to other people in a sense. Like in the same way that if you're making dinner, you're not gonna wait till the very end to boil the water for the pasta, at least on my stove that takes for freaking ever. And so I start the pasta water boiling and the oven preheating.
And then I go off and take care of other things. And then I can come back and all the pre-work steps have been taking care of in my absence. And so I try to do that with my work too, which is like, Hey, can you look at this and give me feedback on this? Or, and I, so I take it off my immediate pile, push it ont so that when it comes back, it's a little more ready, it's a little better and easier to activate on. And so I think two, being aware of.
That, in terms of where those waiting lists are, helps them feel a little smaller.
Aransas Savas (:I do keep a little post-it that has those things on it so I don't forget about them entirely. And I don't feel like I have to hold the cognitive space to remember them. So I plant them there and let them wait in the waiting room because they're not on my plate. They're on somebody else's plate, but they still exist.
Kara Cutruzzula (:You're so right. And that cognitive space is quickly taken up by something else that is more worthy of that space in the moment, which just feels really good. You free it up, and then you fill it with something new.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah. And it sounds like for you, so much of what you want to do more of and less of is dictated by your calendar. So when might you be able to really do this calendar work to create space for more of what you want and to move what you want less of?
Kara Cutruzzula (:Yeah, I'm actually going to do that today. Today just feels like a, let's call it a strategy day. I was gonna say a catch-up day, but that does not sound fun or activating. So a strategy day where I'm also taking on a couple of other new projects that involve big chunks of time. And to just get serious and kind of honest about what I can actually do in a day, I don't...
Aransas Savas (:Mmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:normally have 60 things on my to-do list and I cross them all off. It's just, it's not, that's not how my days are structured. And so instead if it's like, , I edited something for two hours, like that might be the big most important thing. So I think, , after we chat, after I get a bit of lunch, I am going to clean up.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:that to-do list and to get honest about the length of time I need to do certain things. That's a strategy that I use, and this sounds really simple and basic and kind of dumb, but I love it. I say,
Okay, running that errand, that's going to take 15 minutes. I'll put it in parentheses next to the to-do list. Answering that one email is probably going to take eight minutes. I'll write that down. And so I just have a better sense of when I can accomplish those things. If I have that little gap of time, I can look at the list and say, okay, that's a 10-minute task. I have 10 minutes. Great. Let me just like drag and drop it over there. So to get...
more clarity around all of those things that are pulling at my attention right now. So when I do get asked or find myself with other opportunities or things that I want to bring into my life, I can have a sense of, do I have the space for that right now, ?
Aransas Savas (:I love that you're so specific with yourself about the reality of what it would take. Because things start to feel bigger or smaller than the reality of them. And so having that conversation about what does this take, lets us very intentionally figure out how they fit into our lives. I will say though, when you talked about putting the time in parentheses, at first what I thought you were saying is putting the task in parentheses. And I was like, oh my gosh, that's brilliant too.
Because what if we just use punctuation to code our list? That things are either parentheses like, if it happens, exclamation point must happen or period, it's a quick task. I'm gonna do it and it'll be done.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Oh, I like that. Of course I like that, being a words person. But also that seems like you're making your to-do list something that is exciting to look at. It's more energizing. It gives you more direction. It's like a little decoder ring basically for it. Instead of this like laundry list of things that, , sometimes we can look at these things and get that feeling to circle back to the beginning of the conversation that I have to do all of these things. But
Aransas Savas (:Of course we do.
Aransas Savas (:Mm-hmm.
Kara Cutruzzula (:If you have something that is either beautiful to look at or intriguing or is a shortcut to help you move through the list, I feel like that is a helpful aid in transitioning how we think about it as something we have to do to something that we are choosing to do. So I'm gonna totally revamp my list after this conversation actually.
Aransas Savas (:Yeah.
Aransas Savas (:Me too, so much of what we do for each other and why VFTR feels so valuable in our lives is that we get things out of our heads and turn them into actions. And I've stopped many times mid run and said, I can't talk for a second. I have to go write down this note in my phone.
because it feels too important To risk forgetting.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Well, I love... Mmm.
t I don't have to do that because I can just ask you, Aranzas, can you recap everything from our conversation? Because you are so wonderful at distilling and just drilling down into what we got.
from that conversation, where we're going next, how we started, where we end, and amplifying the things that are really important. So yeah, it is a great, great joy in my life. One of my favorite things that I get to do every week to infinity and beyond or not. And I just really value your perspective and generosity both with everyone that...
gets to listen to this podcast that gets to work with you on a one-on-one basis, but also just in the way that you show up for your friends and your family. It's just very inspiring to me. And to see you live this dream of bringing this podcast to life has been j one of the highlights of this entire year. So I can't wait to see where it goes.
Aransas Savas (:Thank you. Thank you, my friend, for everything. I think what we have given ourselves today, and hopefully the people listening to this, is a reminder that nothing great ever happens alone. And
that the most important thing we can do in our lives is surround ourselves with people who inspire us and who make us better. And that will ripple out and impact every part of our lives and let us be our best selves. And that we all need spaces to get out of our own heads and to question our limiting thoughts and beliefs and turn them into lessons and actions for ourselves so that we can...
keep moving forward. So much of what stops us is overthinking and we're all gonna do it. But by having sounding boards, we give ourselves the space to get out of the overthinking and into the doing and to just understand these things with a little bit more love and grace. And I really needed this today, Kara. I got so much out of
this conversation and for those listening, I hope you did as well. I hope you carry with you.
a call to action to find your people, to edit out the people who aren't inspiring you, and to spend more time with the people who do, whether you know them personally or whether you just hear their voices in your ears on a podcast or in the books that you read. And that you find in this, as Kara and I do every week, a little nugget or maybe a huge one
Aransas Savas (:of inspiration and activation to keep activating your dreams. It isn't until they turn into action and we get to watch ourselves walking through them that we get the full joy of creating our dreams. So thank you, Kara, for being here.
Kara Cutruzzula (:Thank you so much, I'll talk to you soon.
Aransas Savas (:I'll talk to you soon, my friend.
