When Loss Becomes a Love Letter: How Angela's Art is Healing Hearts (And Herself)

TUP EP 107

Aransas Savas: [: 00:00:00

Rather than letting her grief her, [00:00:45] she took an unexpected path, creating and giving away free. What began as her personal healing journey? This January has blossomed into a movement of [00:01:00] generosity with over seven 50 pieces of art mailed to people across the country. Angela's story reminds us that even in our darkest moments, we can find purpose and connection, and maybe even [00:01:15] some joy by stepping outside of our comfort zones and sharing our.

beauty in each day resonates [: 00:01:30

This is the Uplifters. Let's begin. Oh my gosh. I love what you're doing so much.

as been a little bit selfish [: 00:02:00

So I lost my classroom and I did not know what I was doing in the classroom. And then add to that, trying to figure out how to do online school, it was just, it was a mess and I messed up a lot. And then I was in a very high demand,[00:02:30]

so.

re was just so many parts of [: 00:02:45

This isn't right. This is beautiful and provides so much happiness for so many people, but it's no longer serving that purpose for me. But part of a high demand religion is you have this amazing community, people who show up for you, your friends are built into that. [00:03:15] You're there so much that it's just like you're, it's.

that would be. Community I so[: 00:03:30

year and my. And my dad has Alzheimer's, so I call that the long goodbye. Every time I see him, something else is missing. I love him so freaking much, [00:03:45] though he's my biggest fan, he gets so excited. I show him my little Instagram videos. He has no idea what I'm showing him really? But he's just like, oh my gosh, you're so.

So much loss and I [: 00:04:00

All things down and I'm actually to able to be present and like poke [00:04:30] that bruise a little bit so I can work through those emotions. My mom was my person. She was my biggest advocate. She was my biggest cheerleader. She was my first phone call. She was my, if everything's going wrong in the world, I would call mom.

So [: 00:04:45

Like I can make an impact in people's lives in New York. It [00:05:15] was just amazing. It's just been this whole healing journey and allowing myself to feel that loss and kind of work on healing. I'm not there, but like at least allow myself on that road. Yeah. What an unexpected. And now I'm

vas: crying and I can't talk.[: 00:05:30

Oh, sorry. No, it's nothing to be sorry about. I relate to so much in your story. I suspect we've all had moments where we tried to break away from what was expected of us [00:05:45] or what we knew and felt that fear. I suspect we've all lost someone we love. I felt that emptiness. I suspect we've all had bruises that we were afraid to [00:06:00] poke.

ge. It doesn't make the loss [: 00:06:15

Angela: Absolutely. The way you said that was beautiful and I'm gonna steal some words. Leaving that religion is the hardest thing I've ever done. Hands down. My sister, my whole family's still part of that religion, so that's [00:06:45] been kind of tricky too. Sorry. They've been beautiful and so supportive. Even my mom before she passed away.

. They're like, we love you. [: 00:07:00

I was waiting for what happened after [00:07:15] you died? I dunno if that makes sense. Like for this heaven and for all these beautiful things to happen. And when I left I was like, oh my gosh, I'm already there. You know, every day, like every day is just this amazing opportunity to like [00:07:30] live to the fullest. Like this is the only March 25th, 2025 I'm ever gonna live.

stay in bed and that's okay. [: 00:07:45

I might get this huge reward. Like who? Who fucking cares? You're only here one day. This one day. This is the.[00:08:15]

from our choices. And in the [: 00:08:30

Angela: Yeah, when my mom, her passing away was pretty rough. It wasn't a beautiful exit into the wherever she is now, but it was slow. She had polio when she, [00:09:00] so she was suffering from post, post, horrible.[00:09:15]

n. Was terrifying. But I had [: 00:09:30

This peaceful passing, like this is ugly [00:09:45] and hard and it sucks, and I'm angry and I'm mad and I feel this grief and I just said, this is part of life. You know, like death is a beautiful transition too, because I don't know if I'll [00:10:00] see her again. I don't know what I believe anymore. I believe in mother Nature.

teaching me something. It's [: 00:10:15

This is, I do believe in Mother nature. So every time I see a sunset, my mom was obsessed with sunsets and every time I see a hummingbird I'm like, Hey, that's my mom. And I know that sounds weird and I've been talking to lots of [00:10:45] people have lost loved ones, and I found that to be like a common theme. Like you find these random things that, that's like your sign from the other side.

I'm still like way in the weeds of dealing with grief and lots of questions.

Aransas Savas: Who [: 00:11:00

Angela: Oh my gosh, I love that. I'm gonna [00:11:15] call it that from now on.

doing there is you're saying.[: 00:11:30

You said the word selfish a couple of times that this journey is selfish. What do you believe about that word?

la: That's probably a little [: 00:11:45

No explanation. I mail it off. I hear nothing but just the thought of, I wonder what that person felt like when they went to the mailbox. Oh my gosh. It sparked so much joy for [00:12:15] me. So I think it's selfish because I have used this silly idea I came up with to validate me. That's something I work on in therapy all the time.

validate myself. But I think [: 00:12:30

So I just needed to make sure that this [00:13:00] was truly for me. Everything I did before was for the church. For the church is good. So I think it's important to me that this is kind of selfish. Like this is for me, this is something I wanted to do. This is something that fulfills me. This is something that allows [00:13:15] me to be imperfect and messy and creative and you know, so I guess that's.

I never thought of it that way. I think that's why I say selfish, because it

rself and what a what a self [: 00:13:30

Angela: [00:13:45] Exactly. And this does. This totally does just, yeah. Anyway, I could talk about the complications of leaving a hydro demand religion for like a hundred hours, so I won't go down that rabbit hole. But anyway, anyone who does a hats off, [00:14:00] like you're freaking a badass. So

Aransas Savas: I don't actually know what a high demand religion means.

I mean, I have an image in my mind, but what does that mean?

You are at church for three [: 00:14:15

Aransas Savas: So,

Angela: yeah.

But when [: 00:14:45

but for me it was constantly [00:15:00] churning off. My voice. Voice and then like shoving that down so that I could listen to what the church wanted me to do. So when you leave, it's very scary to listen to your own voice and [00:15:15] realize that I can be a good person. Even if I'm not part of this organization. So that was rough.

ch with my grief for my mom, [: 00:15:30

Aransas Savas: That idea of unlearning is so interesting.

And [: 00:15:45

Music: Mm-hmm.

And about food. Oh my gosh, [: 00:16:00

Our full true selves is then saying, and I mean we both described things that can both be really helpful on [00:16:15] the outside, whereas certainly that it happens with things that are unhelpful. Yeah. On the outside as well, just to acknowledge that. But I think. This idea of growing up for me is learning to decide what I believe and act in accordance [00:16:30] with my beliefs and what's right for me right now, instead of what I'm told the rules are.

tiful and painful. Yeah. And [: 00:16:45

I had this huge [00:17:00] hole. I was like, what am I gonna shove in there? So. At first, it was just like anything like, oh yeah, you want me to volunteer every day? Sure, I'm there. So it's been a lot of just listening to that voice and trusting that voice, and this feels [00:17:15] so right and so just perfect for me right now.

And it might not be in three months, who knows? But right now this is it. Sorry, that

se what I'm realizing as I'm [: 00:17:30

There is this process of like, okay, my resources are now not being used in the same way. My time, my money, my brain, and then there's this whole of like, my relational [00:18:00] needs are not being met. And so I think what I hear you doing that we can all learn from is to say, okay, what needs. Am I really missing being fulfilled?

learly a big piece of it. So [: 00:18:15

Mm-hmm. How do I feel? Does it feel right for right now? Is it meeting the [00:18:45] need that was unmet or is it something else? Right. Opening up that conversation with ourselves, we really open ourselves up to learn our way into what's right and true for us for now.

h, absolutely. My mantra is. [: 00:19:00

I wonder how this is gonna turn out. So yeah, it's been huge and it fully allows [00:19:15] me to listen to my voice and not wonder what my kids think about this or what my neighbors are gonna think. Like it's just, no, I wonder how I feel. So it's been awesome. Amazing that you've

p into that so quickly after [: 00:19:30

One of the other experimental approaches that I hear in your story is when you launched this project to send the free art to people, [00:19:45] you said, I wasn't an Instagram person, I didn't know how Instagram worked. I didn't identify as an artist. I didn't have a background in fulfillment and operations for.

And all those [: 00:20:00

Angela: Just that curiosity bit. And also like I have anxiety too, and one of the other therapeutic things is like, what's the worst that could happen?

h and burn. Oh, well I'm not [: 00:20:30

So the speed at which I have to do it just allows me to like be like, okay, who cares? It's beautiful, it's unique, it's not perfect. But also with the Instagram thing, I was [00:21:00] gonna wait and then one Sunday I just made this stupid video. I was recording all of my art and you, you can see it on my Instagram, it's special.

e, like, who cares? And so I [: 00:21:15

So it's just been this like building the plane as I'm flying type situation. And I think if I would've waited like I normally do in my life, I would've never done so. That's one thing I'm [00:21:45] super proud of myself for is just like just going for it. Like who cares? And I posted so many things on Instagram wrong.

t answer was, no, not yes. I [: 00:22:00

Aransas Savas: One of our very first guests on the show, Rachel [00:22:15] Lipson, episode three, said, everybody has ideas. Entrepreneurs are the ones who do something about them. I love that. Right? Isn't that so good? And I hear that so much in your story. We all have millions of ideas in our lives, and [00:22:30] some of them are super silly.

ou non-attachment about your [: 00:22:45

So much in two months time and literally those two months were gonna [00:23:00] pass by anyway. And you could have just reinforced everything you'd ever learned your entire life, but instead you built a freaking plane in the air.

Angela: I did, and I only have 300 followers, so I have to tell myself I had zero in January.

So [: 00:23:15

Aransas Savas: All the things you described that were mistakes were not. [00:23:30] To the project at all. It didn't shift my opinion of you. Oh, well thank you. I didn't notice those things. What I did notice was the heart of what you were doing.

Thank you. And I think to remind ourselves of that is so important.

Angela: Yes. And [: 00:23:45

And their best might look a lot different than my best, but. Gosh, no one wakes up in the morning and is like, how am I gonna be a jerk to everyone I meet? [00:24:15] No one's gonna wake up in the morning and be like, like as a mom, I've made so many mistakes and I tell my kids all the time, like, I did not wake up this morning thinking about like, how can I ruin your life?

oal. I mean, that might have [: 00:24:30

Yes. Yes. I can think of so many situations. I have a 18-year-old and a 16-year-old, so another loss that I've had is just like that. I was mom, I was a son and the moon, and I have a very different role in their lives now. So [00:25:00] that's been kind of hard for me. But my son the other day just posted my Instagram.

ey can do anything like even [: 00:25:15

Aransas Savas: When I think about what is right for right now. What do you believe the most important lessons are for your kids to learn right [00:25:30] now?

Angela: That's a

Aransas Savas: tough question.

ourself and believe yourself [: 00:25:45

I also want them to know that they have a strong mom and that [00:26:00] they can do anything they wanna do if they have the passion. So those are the two big lessons. And just to love me. Yeah. I'm learning. And they should think I'm a cool mom. Like how do [00:26:15] we teach that? They do not that

Please

Aransas Savas: do.

What could be cooler. Yeah. [: 00:26:30

Aransas Savas: exactly. I'm just teasing. No, yeah. Believing in you. You showing up for you. You listening to your own voice. That [00:26:45] is the freaking coolest in my book.

Angela: Yeah,

Aransas Savas: I think so too. Thank you. What's the next brave thing you wanna do?

Angela: I'm super excited about this.

omeone today who reached out [: 00:27:00

Free the entire world. And then the other thing, I have two, this is kind of my newest thing. I just read a book called Service Barry. I'm the author, have this cute idea of building community. I'm feeling very [00:27:30] overwhelmed with things in the world right now, so I just want to make a big impact where I'm at.

I feel like all of us.

onna do a free flower stand, [: 00:27:45

So that's my next big thing. I'm super excited for it. So those are my. [00:28:00] Oh my gosh, and it's so

Aransas Savas: powerful to watch your excitement.

Angela: I am like a nerd.

Aransas Savas: As I [: 00:28:15

Angela: Thank, I Feel Inspired by you podcast all these people who are impacting world

in [: 00:29:00

Aransas Savas: Thank you. Let's all keep lifting each other up because you're right, there's so many stories we can listen to right now about what's not good, what's scary, what's [00:29:15] wrong, and it's important to stay aware and awake and to know what's happening in the world. And I believe we have to balance that or else we will be paralyzed.

Angela: Oh my gosh, yes.[: 00:29:30

Aransas Savas: One of the most valuable things I've ever heard on this podcast was the story of you should definitely go listen to that episode if you haven't. She tells this episode, this story of her father teaching her to take [00:29:45] care of her own backyard and the massive cultural impacts of her starting small. And close to home are something that I, I hear a code in your story and that I try to [00:30:00] remind myself every day of what can we do right here, right now?

I love that. That's the only way the change happens.

le, your nucleus of control. [: 00:30:15

Aransas Savas: Yeah. To do you, which is to what resources do.

You, you had had a free Instagram.

Angela: [: 00:30:30

Aransas Savas: Yeah.

nversation and that we've so [: 00:30:45

Angela: Thank you for spreading the love. Like that was so fun.

Aransas Savas: Absolutely. We all need all the love we can get right now, so thank you for being a beacon.

Angela: Thank you. Thank you for seeing that in me.

It really means the world to [: 00:31:00

Aransas Savas: Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share them with the Uplifters in your life and then join us in [00:31:15] conversation over@theuplifterspodcast.com. Head over to Spotify, apple Podcast, or. Wherever you get your podcast and like, follow and rate our show, it'll really help us connect with more uplifters [00:31:30] and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories.

nd I'm dwelling, perplexing. [: 00:31:45

Relish in a new prime land, a tree in springtime Dance with that old hindsight. Bring the sun to [00:32:00] twilight. Lift you up. Whoa,

Music: lift you up, ball.

Lift you up.[: 00:32:15

Lift you up.

Lift you up.

Lift you[: 00:32:30

lift.

Beautiful. I cried. [: 00:32:45