What Are Tears Without Action? An Interior Designer Who Built a National Nonprofit on Faith and Polka Dots

TUP EP 114

Aransas Savas: [: 00:00:00

These women have done [00:00:30] big, brave things wanna anyway, and they teach us through their stories how. Today I am so beyond thrilled to introduce you to Terry Grail, the founder and CEO of [00:00:45] Enchanted Makeovers, a national nonprofit with an extraordinary mission transforming shelter spaces for women and children who have escaped domestic violence and human trafficking.

Terry. Welcome [: 00:01:00

Terry Grahl: It was just a phone call asking if I will volunteer my time and paint one wall at a shelter. [00:01:15] That was 2006. I received the phone call 2007. I did the visit and the tour of the shelter. The last stop was the women's dorm that changed the course of my life.

women would sleep for one [: 00:01:30

It was so, there was so much sadness and I, I said it in my head like, how do you go to bed and dream and wake up with hope? When your environment is working against the program.

Music: Mm-hmm.

Terry Grahl: [: 00:02:00

That's what I told the director and she said, I understand because nothing ever been done. It was an old post office. So [00:02:15] I drove home and I was angry because I'm like, God, why did you bring this to me? You know, I have four children. My kids were little and I have my business. I can't do this. I have no money.

n't have volunteers. At that [: 00:02:30

Aransas Savas: You just couldn't bear to look at them.

Terry Grahl: No, I didn't wanna, I just didn't wanna acknowledge it. I'm being honest.

Mm-hmm. [: 00:02:45

It was white polkadots. I've loved Polkadots since I was a little girl, and when I saw the polka dots I heard, trust me, and I put my hand up in [00:03:15] the air and I said, I'll do it. I had no idea how I was going to do it. I went back to the shelter. A week later, they brought women in from transitional housing.

ho in the hell is this woman [: 00:03:30

New bunk beds and lighting and dressers and all that stuff. And I just began to cry. Like I did the ugly cry. And I remember looking up and there was a woman in the front row and [00:04:00] she looked at me and she said, it's gonna be okay. And when I looked around, I just saw girls. There was no women. It was all girls.

r gonna be about decorating. [: 00:04:15

Aransas Savas: What do you think those tears were in that first moment?

Terry Grahl: I know now. [: 00:04:30

We battled with homelessness, and I think it all just came down on me. The mirror was flipped and I had to look at my own life and the journey needed to begin walking beside women and healing just as much as they [00:04:45] were healing I needed to heal. The decorating was just a tool for something greater. I was called way beyond that.

And that's where it began, is just saying yes without having any ducks in the row, no money and no volunteers.

Aransas Savas: I just took [: 00:05:00

Terry Grahl: And I still feel to this day, I am called to serve the girl from within, because that's where the trauma starts for many of the women is when they were a little girl.

Aransas Savas: Mm-hmm.

Music: Yeah. [: 00:05:30

Aransas Savas: You immediately leap into, I know I'm gonna make this place better. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I don't know what the resources are.

cesses and the systems look. [: 00:05:45

The [00:06:00] first day I went out and looked at it though, I like watch the video. I went and said. Unscrew a lu nut. So I put the little wrench on there. I tried to unscrew the lug nut. Nothing happened. It stayed stuck. And I was like, okay, I'll just put more pressure. Tried a little harder, but I didn't do something.[00:06:15]

l call somebody and get some [: 00:06:30

I got really specific in my step of this process, which is only the first step of the process, which the guys were [00:06:45] doing in the videos, like all the steps in 30 seconds. And they're like, hell, there you go. And I was like, this is not how it's working out for me. And so I finally figured out if I open the door and I put one leg on the frame of the car to balance me.

and unscr the light. And so [: 00:07:00

Now most of [00:07:30] us are gonna stop at the, I don't know what to do or how to get started. And so one of the most important things we're gonna get to learn from you is how mentally and tactically you got started. [00:07:45] I didn't sit down

Terry Grahl: and plan this, I just automatically started doing it. My mother always taught us since we were little, the power of our mind and imagination.

I'm just kind of crazy like [: 00:08:00

Aransas Savas: girl.

hat I've already learned, of [: 00:08:15

So I went to the store and the manager rolled her chair out of the office and said, I don't have time for you. So I left the store sat.

t walked in and you're like, [: 00:08:30

Terry Grahl: Yeah,

Aransas Savas: she's a lug nut.

Terry Grahl: So I went, I got in the car and I did the ugly cry again and I said, wipe your tears because you're gonna go to the next door.

So I went to the [: 00:08:45

I want the largest donation. And it was 12 [00:09:15] o'clock and it was from all those emails I sent. It was a gentleman that called, he was in Mexico and

do something, you should do [: 00:09:30

Aransas Savas: You just like cold emailed a bunch of companies that were possibly able to help with this [00:09:45] project?

Terry Grahl: Yes, and I wouldn't send one email. It was multiple emails to mattress companies. I, no one was walking beside me saying, do this and this. I was just sharing my heart in the email

Aransas Savas: Uhhuh.

Terry Grahl: So this is [: 00:10:00

She had a client cancel, so she.[00:10:15]

gest furniture stores in the [: 00:10:30

He showed up in his limousine. We walked around the shelter, we gotta the dorm. And he said, what? What is your vision here? And I just [00:10:45] shared how it would look and feel for the women. And a week later he called me and he wanted to know about me as a mom, my children. It wasn't about furniture, it was just about my life.

, I don't buy your furniture [: 00:11:00

He said, I am going to donate all the bunk beds and the baby cribs, and that's how that journey was.

Aransas Savas: It doesn't [: 00:11:30

And that's really what I hear and what you're saying. It's so easy to overthink what we're gonna say [00:12:00] and keep ourselves quiet and small and whisper our dreams. But you didn't do that, and in fact, you got loud without worrying about what the right thing was to say and you just spoke the truth.

Terry Grahl: It's easy to [: 00:12:15

It, it took me and many years for this process for myself. When I'm asking it's for someone else. That dorm was done. I mean, obviously the women got more than that. Got a boiler [00:12:30] system, a new bathroom. It went way beyond the. Even after that, I had an argument with myself and said, I'm done. I'm going back to my decorating business.

Yeah. Why? Just this [: 00:12:45

It's just, will you listen to me? I was thinking I have to have all the answers and solve every issue. So when [00:13:15] you hear that it is a weight on your heart.

Music: Mm-hmm.

Terry Grahl: But I figured it out to say, okay, now you just release it. I,

there, Terry, because one of [: 00:13:30

Burnout and drivers of fear unconsciously for uplifters is the need to help. Yeah. We forget that oftentimes the most helpful thing we can do is just be [00:13:45] present. Just see another person. Yes. Just listen. We don't have to fix anything. We don't have to renovate their house, which amazing if that can be done.

be present and listen and to [: 00:14:00

Terry Grahl: word? Because I speak for me and many women, we start off as the victim and then we say we're a survivor, but when are we gonna be a warrior?

It's so much more powerful. [: 00:14:30

When she was a little girl, little she said, I never told anyone.

Music: Mm-hmm. [: 00:15:00

Terry Grahl: I didn't tell my husband. And just keeping that turned to alcohol. Then it came to heavier drugs. Now I'm living behind a dumpster. There was this one woman that I met. She was always uplifting everyone. [00:15:15] She wanted everyone to be happy and to smile, and she would sing and twirl and she'd share my story She said.

id the only way I could numb [: 00:15:30

Music: Mm-hmm.

in a sense of when I go out [: 00:16:00

I said, yes, because she has healed. You [00:16:15] can't put any amount of money on that 9-year-old you programs like the.

el anywhere I wanted. Mm. So [: 00:16:30

It could [00:16:45] be anywhere.

e feel hopeless, we will act [: 00:17:00

Terry Grahl: Yes. And that's funny you said that. That is the base on the cakes for kids watching the news and one of the mothers was saying to her son, no one's gonna come here and save us instantly.

ed to cry because I thought. [: 00:17:15

So I went on social media and I said, can somebody please make 25 capes? A woman from North Carolina reached back out. She [00:17:45] shipped him to Michigan. I went back to that shelter to see the kids' reaction and they started singing and twirling and I'm like, there it is. This is our program. We're. And and it's going to remind every child [00:18:00] that they don't wait for Superman.

You have everything within you.

nation. As I look back on my [: 00:18:15

She painted a picture for herself of the way out and how she wanted to live. She wanted a life in town. She wanted four children. [00:18:30] It was very specific. Once you know the destination, you can build a map to it, and so it sounds to me like that's what both the pillowcase program and the Cape Program are doing.

image. Of the life that you [: 00:18:45

Terry Grahl: Yes. And it's one of the questions you said in the beginning about how did you know how to take those steps? When I went to bed every night, [00:19:00] I never visualized how the dorm would look.

I only focused on how it would make the women feel. Mm.

Aransas Savas: Ding, ding, ding, ding.

d they were laughing and the [: 00:19:15

I did that every [00:19:30] single night when I went to bed, when that dorm was done, is when I started thinking I should use this for my own life. Like the emotional part of it, of just focusing uhhuh.

Aransas Savas: How do I wanna feel? I

y Grahl: still to it to this [: 00:19:45

I put it on Facebook again because I think you should speak what your dream is. Tell the world. Yes. I don't care. There was only one person that said, that's crazy. [00:20:00] I didn't even acknowledge 'em. I just kept moving forward. Yes, that's it. Get loud. And what I wrote was, it was not about how the headquarters would look.

Music: Mm-hmm.

hen adults walk in, how they [: 00:20:15

She was all boarded up and she was loved back to life. All volunteers and donations

for your national nonprofit [: 00:20:45

Terry Grahl: and I have another one coming out in June, Harry,

Aransas Savas: from one dormitory to all of this,

Terry Grahl: if you would've said that.

[: 00:21:00

Aransas Savas: What about the 40-year-old?

Terry Grahl: The 40-year-old was pretty shocked with that large donation, so I'm like, wow, something's happening here.

y of this. It sounds like it [: 00:21:15

Terry Grahl: And that yes is to all my life.

It wasn't just shelters, it

u're asked a question is, is [: 00:21:30

Terry Grahl: No. There has been companies, I mean, I've learned through this, we had offers to partner with US companies. It came down to the women will not be, I call it prostituted with your [00:21:45] product. Mm-hmm. So, no, I don't have to say yes to everything.

nna be with you. But there's [: 00:22:00

Aransas Savas: I've heard a lot of founders and CEOs say, not all money is good money.

Terry Grahl: Yes.

Aransas Savas: I [: 00:22:15

Yes. Saying yes to those things that keep you on that road, and then who knows where that [00:22:45] road will go next?

Terry Grahl: Absolutely. It's organically, it's, I think it's important to have a vision, but then the middle piece is so organic. That's the beauty part of it, is that I don't have to have my hands at every little piece of

Aransas Savas: it.

Mm. [: 00:23:00

You don't get to a national nonprofit by doing it all on your own.

Terry Grahl: No. I am [: 00:23:30

Aransas Savas: happen. It's a real act of courage to let go of control and to say, [00:23:45] this is what I do well, I'm gonna do a lot of that.

I'm gonna trust that other people have other skills and strengths and let them do their part. That is how scale and and increased impact happen.

Terry Grahl: Yes. My CEO [: 00:24:00

She still wears the power suit. I'm in the [00:24:15] polka dress, so she's the numbers, the PowerPoints, all those things. And she says, you tell the story. So we went to some meeting years ago and she had her power suit on. I had on a polka dot dress, and I had my ruby [00:24:30] red shoes on. When I left the president of this family foundation, she goes, I just love those shoes.

We did get the money from the foundation. I'm not saying the shoes did it, but I knew they were gonna forget those shoes.

Aransas Savas: Well, let's [: 00:24:45

Music: Yeah.

live and lead authentically.[: 00:25:00

And so what does that mean? It means bringing all our wacky, weird, unique, beautiful facets of our lived experience. And for you that was. Your story of growing up, it is your professional's experience. It [00:25:15] is your taste and your talent bringing all of those together to do something in a way nobody else could ever done it.

Yeah.

Terry Grahl: And you know, a lot of times I'll see it that way

power in its own right. But [: 00:25:30

Terry Grahl: Yeah. And the thing is, is I don't see it that way because I'm just

ally. It's all going to feel [: 00:25:45

Yes. It's when we're trying to be somebody else. That it's hard to make decisions

Tammy's doing. We just wanna [: 00:26:00

Music: Mm-hmm.

Terry Grahl: That's how I feel is I don't work on that.

That's just all I know. It's why I wanna do what Sally's doing. Sally's doing her thing.

s: Good job Sally and Tammy. [: 00:26:15

Powerful external. Why? Yeah. And we all have that. We just have to take the moment to go look for it. Yes. Yeah. And trust. Thank you that while the cost may be great, the rewards will be great too. [00:26:45]

Terry Grahl: Way in the beginning we had an Yvette, New Jersey. Everything was set. So we had a two day event. The first day was there was yoga, there was journaling, there was a mural being done.

The next day we had. [: 00:27:00

They can only say no. I said, will you come and sing to the women? Of course, because they were hired to sing at a birthday party for another [00:27:30] family. They came over and they sung this beautiful song to all the women

Aransas Savas: just meant to be I believe in for fortuitous. But most of all, I believe in the power of asking.

Terry Grahl: Yes. They [: 00:27:45

Aransas Savas: yes, and most people aren't gonna ask, and that's why those things don't feel like they're happening. And so I think, what's the worst that could happen, Terry? They said no. Okay.

rry Grahl: I already did the [: 00:28:00

Aransas Savas: Correct.

Moving on. Ask the next question.

Terry Grahl: Yes.

mind, weirdly stuck lug nuts [: 00:28:15

Terry Grahl: Go to the website, enchanted makeovers.org. Email me. Tell me [00:28:30] what you love to do.

I said, you now have become [: 00:28:45

Aransas Savas: love that.

Terry Grahl: So I share that because if there's someone else who's a podcaster who loves to write, just come to me and tell me what is it you love to do and serve from that place.

We have Facebook, [: 00:29:00

Aransas Savas: us to participate and that's, that's a big part of it.

Terry Grahl: Yes.

Aransas Savas: Right there. And now it's our turn.

e enchanted train. The train [: 00:29:15

Aransas Savas: It was so nice to meet you, Terry. You are a freaking badass warrior. Oh, thank you.

Terry Grahl: Oh, I'll take that.

Aransas Savas: [: 00:29:30

We all have the capability to create change. Absolutely. Even in what feels like the darkest times, just breaking it down one step at a time and asking [00:30:00] for help. Learning our way through every stuck lug nut. Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share them with the [00:30:15] Uplifters in your life and then join us in conversation over@theuplifterspodcast.com.

ke follow and rate our show. [: 00:30:30

Music: Big love painted water, sunshine with [00:30:45] rosemary. And I'm dwelling the perplexing, though you find it ing.

e land, a tree in springtime [: 00:31:00

Lift you up.[00:31:15]

Lift you up. Whoa. Lift you up.

Lift you up.

Lift you[: 00:31:30

lift.[00:31:45]

, mommy, stop crying. You're [: 00:32:00