Unlocking Emotional Optimism Through Joyful Service With VaynerX's Chief Heart Officer, Claude Silver

nomination: [: 00:00:00

And so I've known Claude for as long as I've been alive. she is the chief heart officer. For [00:00:45] VaynerMedia, she is a coach, she is a mentor, she is a guest speaker, she travels around the world speaking, and her purpose is to be of joyful service [00:01:00] and unlock emotional optimism in everyone.

ve committed your time, your [: 00:02:00

So thanks for being here.

ou. That was really awesome. [: 00:02:15

Aransas,

Aransas: Yeah.

er. So. I never wanted to be [: 00:04:00

I was in the right place at the right time. 1998 San Francisco. com boom was happening and I started my career in digital and never looked back. [00:04:15] I had always been a team player, a coach, a captain, a cheerleader without the pom poms, I say. So if I look at the like the red thread throughout my entire life and career, it has been in some kind of coaching mentorship, holding space [00:04:30] format.

ate some understanding about [: 00:04:45

Claude: I work for Gary Vaynerchuk and he understands. And he thrives by and is fueled by people and their potential and putting people in positions of strength [00:05:00] to move the ball down the field.

to bless it. They understand [: 00:05:15

And if you did it, you'd do it a little bit differently with your je ne sais quoi and your heart [00:05:30] print, your thumbprint. But for me, this is the way I do it. And also based on what I know he values and based on what I know is important to him. I mean, at the end of the day, his name's on the door. And I'm scaling him.

is the job. I am scaling him [: 00:05:45

Aransas: Via the humans. The heart. And keeping them feeling psychologically safe in order to bring their best to the organization.

ically safe, motivated, self [: 00:06:00

That's pretty [00:06:15] cool.

Aransas: How do you find out what motivates and inspires different people, teams, organizations?

'm hoping I get some kind of [: 00:06:30

Why do you think your team values you? Why do you value you? What are your strengths? What are your values? [00:06:45] Blank canvas. And money is not an issue. What are you painting on that blank canvas? I don't even know if I can answer it most of the time, but I like hearing people dream. And I think ultimately, I'm not the wizard of Oz nor am I Santa [00:07:00] Claus, but I would like to help people move towards that dream with a little bit more ease and less friction and tension.

If I can.

Aransas: So you see yourself as a facilitator.

if I can and if they let me [: 00:07:15

Aransas: Yeah, that willingness and, and partnership in there.

nt me to be a passenger with [: 00:07:30

I'm thrilled. I'm honored. Yes.

Aransas: Yeah. It is an honor, isn't it?

Claude: Sure. Sure. I mean, yeah, it is. Think about yourself. Think about when I think about myself, like how many people do I really share myself with? Not a lot. So it is an honor.

Aransas: [: 00:07:45

Claude: Yeah, it is.

one precious life? It's the [: 00:08:00

Aransas: Right. This place that is intentionally [00:08:15] designed. to have power interplays.

ntire engine down to a halt. [: 00:08:30

Aransas: Yeah.

een the mess, and that helps [: 00:09:15

Right. It's called The Uplifters because we've all been through some messes and the people who have the courage to face their mess and then make the [00:09:30] choice to use their, that experience to help others. I did not know that we were making a show about courage, but that's it. That's all we've done. We've made a whole show about courage.

Yep.

Claude: We have. Here we go.

sas: Here we go. Here we go. [: 00:09:45

Claude: I'm [00:10:00] five decades old right now, so I've got a lot of decades to look back on.

bar Where I know I shouldn't [: 00:10:15

That's a little bit different been there done that. Thank you not courageous, just stupid, I would say.

Aransas: So,

Claude: I mean, the [: 00:10:30

It was a real pivotal moment in my life. I had, [00:10:45] I was going nowhere fast, bad, bad decisions, bad boys, bad drugs, flunking out of college, which I should never have gone to. And so I, I came out after my sophomore year and told my parents I needed to find like the longest outdoor course so I can get my butt [00:11:00] kicked.

And I did, 93 days.

Aransas: Smart kid to figure that out.

much as I thought, Oh yeah, [: 00:11:15

My life wasn't supposed to end in my 20s. So I was aware of that even though there was some kind of mysticism around that. [00:11:30] So, Outward Bound was enormous. I was the only young woman with nine young men. We showered every 18 days. We washed off in a stream or used snow to wipe our butts. We all carried 80 pounds on our back.

[: 00:11:45

And I really, I was so good at self sabotage at [00:12:15] those days. I really wanted to break my leg the first 18 days so I could come back out and go back to what was comfortable for me, but I didn't. So that's the first thing. I think, you know, the second thing probably that takes a lot of courage is leaving bad [00:12:30] relationships, especially as a younger person and not knowing Not knowing enough, not knowing what was going to happen, not having enough confidence in myself.

late bloomer and I feel like [: 00:12:45

And I think that took courage going to, you know, really [00:13:00] believing that I really understood energy. So takes before spending four years understanding clairvoyancy and chakras and past life regression and all of that stuff that you do in San Francisco. I got a role in London when I was just turning 40.[00:13:15]

age for me. I was homesick a [: 00:13:30

But then you have to realize, oh, that's the past and that's the past for a reason. So those types of things really have taken a lot of courage. And my partner and I have two kids now. We have a six year [00:13:45] old girl and a three year old girl. I think saying yes to that and knowing from her that was a non negotiable is courageous every single day, every single minute of every single day, because I'm responsible for them.

that take courage are those [: 00:14:00

That's not who I am. So, I'm here only to provide subjective feedback, only to provide connection, only to provide some advice to enhance their world, not my world, their world. [00:14:30]

Aransas: Yeah, as I was listening, I was listening for the themes within your answers and the first one that really came up for me was a commitment to growth over ease.

s, I would say that is true. [: 00:14:45

Claude: Yeah,

Aransas: very different. Very different. Very different. How do you distinguish that in your mind?

growth over ease actually is [: 00:15:00

I'm much more intentional about it and I'm honest with what it is I'm trying to do. So another area in which I'm being courageous is for a dyslexic kid who basically sucked at [00:15:30] school, I'm in the process of writing a book, which got picked up by a publisher. And like those things where you're like, how did that happen?

e a book? Do that and follow [: 00:15:45

That's an easy route. That's something's courage, but [00:16:00] that's easy for me to be like, no one really cares. Everyone said it before.

small children and it sounds [: 00:16:15

Claude: I want this.

d it easy. For a while I was [: 00:16:30

Compared to literally knowing, wow, it's [00:16:45] no longer about me. In my personal life at work, it's not about me in my personal life. That's no longer about me, right? It takes a lot of emotional bravery. Yes and emotional optimism to be like, okay, I can do this I can do [00:17:00] this and I want to do this and then let me do what I need to do and maybe that is like Hey, you cannot hit your sister.

let's have a big old party. [: 00:17:15

Aransas: right? And it is creative and responsive and dynamic. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah. And it's hard. Yeah. And it can be awesome and hard simultaneously.

to be. I think for me. Yeah, [: 00:17:30

Claude: think for me. And my makeup, I don't think when I came out, they handed, you know, my mom the easy flag. She's going to be easy.

Aransas: No. She's going to want easy.

ng to be a challenge for you [: 00:17:45

Aransas: Yeah. I actually think that's a really beautiful thing to normalize, Claude.

We can embrace the beauty and richness of

Claude: [: 00:18:00

It's false. There to really keep us back, but we can, we can all do hard things.

and that we can all practice [: 00:18:30

[00:18:45] And so it's, we're taught like, oh, don't celebrate your accomplishments, you know, don't be braggy.

te and cheer anyone on. That [: 00:19:00

That is something I will look back on and say, Oh, there's the evidence that I can do hard things [00:19:15] for myself.

Aransas: Mm

Claude: hmm. Not stand and hold space and watch someone else do the hard thing.

Aransas: Mm hmm.

Claude: Yeah. I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I'm built of that stock.

ow, historically, do you see [: 00:19:30

Claude: Oh, yeah. For sure. I don't spend enough time probably thinking that one, but yes, for sure. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing today. I think that, you know, empathy is this emotion [00:19:45] that I do believe most of us have. And the output of empathy is kindness and compassion and care. And when someone says to me, you know, can you teach someone empathy?

w to care for another person [: 00:20:00

Aransas: That's such a good distinction.

Not coddle, but root for. How do you differentiate those?

Claude: Well, [: 00:20:30

But I signed up for that part of the job.

Aransas: I really did. I imagine though that it's all relative, right? Like eighth place for the guy who usually comes in 40th on empathy. Mad props.

Claude: Yeah. Mazel [: 00:21:15

Aransas: But I think what you're saying is it's about challenging ourselves.

do, but holding other people [: 00:21:30

Aransas: Mm hmm.

Claude: That took me a while to learn. I mean, I learned it in my 20s, but it felt like, it felt like it took me 50 years to learn. Like, I can't control anyone except myself. But it's so important.

e I'm still learning that at [: 00:22:00

Claude: You know what? This is going to sound really corny, but I believe in the serenity prayer and the serenity prayer, which my Nana taught me when I was like five. really breaks [00:22:15] it down for me, like, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, right? I cannot change Bobby, I cannot change Sue, I cannot change the weather, the courage to change the things I can, I can change my attitude, I can change my behavior, and the wisdom to [00:22:30] know the difference between.

And that wisdom to know the difference is what set me free, at least. Set me free. What do you actively ask

Aransas: yourself in those moments?

have no control over Andy. I [: 00:22:45

I have no control over that. I have hopes, I have dreams, I have desires. So that's real, I go real [00:23:00] basic. Can't control anyone, I can control me. And then that is freedom. I really think it's freedom. I know what that bondage feels like, and I know what it feels like to be in the depths of some dank well, not being [00:23:15] able to crawl out of it.

's cool. Yeah. That's really [: 00:23:30

Aransas: Yeah. You are a perennial, I suspect.

Claude: Yeah. Uh, who knows? But, who knows? But I think I'd

Aransas: rather be a perennial than an annual.

That's

now that we've moved to New [: 00:23:45

Aransas: Funny, I just moved to New Jersey this week,

Claude: and

know how to thread a bobbin [: 00:24:00

Well, you should. And so I've never gone back and tried again. And then I want to learn how to garden because I have a really gorgeous garden out here and it's already dying and I've only had it since Friday. So, you say that your life's purpose [00:24:15] is to be of joyful service and to unlock emotional optimism and all.

I mean, if that ain't uplifting.

hat is true, but I also want [: 00:24:30

You haven't had 49 years of just pure bliss. I haven't had 55 years of [00:24:45] pure bliss, but there are those periods of time that are joyful where I can look back and see, oh yeah, there is evidence that made me happy, or that I know how to get out of a really tough situation. You just have to be able to see like, Oh yeah, I do have [00:25:00] that body of work.

I have done that.

stuff. There's a proof point [: 00:25:15

Yes. Yeah. How do you make [00:25:30] decisions about the right paths for you? So often we struggle with should I or shouldn't I? And I heard that a little bit in your story about deciding to have kids. What factors or filters do you use? To make those decisions [00:25:45]

Claude: for a lot of the decisions the if it's a yes, the yes comes immediately It's a yes If it's something that i'm a little wishy washy for that I need to go deeper and examine why and is it a shortcoming on me?

Is it the negative talk [: 00:26:00

Aransas: Big one. Big one. I'm like, my face just went like, yeah, yeah,

Claude: yeah, you're like, yeah,

Aransas: charitable,

Claude: right? [: 00:26:15

If it's

Aransas: an immediate

cause I feel like I need to, [: 00:26:30

Aransas: So I am also writing a book and it is really freaking hard and I keep saying that I'm not even sure I want to write a book but I just want to do it for the proof point of being able to do something really, really hard.

Amazing. I mean, yes, [: 00:26:45

Claude: Yeah. I know it's hard for me as a female because of a lot of the conditioning and then just people pleasing and thinking that that's how you do life.

d that and say, Oh yeah, no, [: 00:27:15

Thanks. And that's exactly the same thing. I'm just doing it so I can say at the end of my days, I actually did something really hard and I completed it. Yeah. Rather than [00:27:45] mailing it in, which I've done a lot, especially through school. When

Aransas: you say mailing it

Claude: in. Yeah. Giving up because it's too hard. Or giving up because of some limiting belief, which I know the wise me knows that those are fictitious anyway.

Aransas: Yeah. [: 00:28:00

Yeah. Yeah.

mmit of a mountain where the [: 00:28:30

I mean, getting ready to go on the [00:28:45] back nine. And everything was great. Like, I could sail into the sunset. And it would have been a lot easier. And I'm so happy I said, yes, I'm beyond happy. I don't have words. I'm really beyond happy. It's having kids [00:29:00] has not only humbled me to like my core. But it's brought so much creativity into my life also.

ld relate to before, such as [: 00:29:15

Aransas: I always think that too much of anything is too much except love. Yeah, endless. Never

laude: regret. It's endless. [: 00:29:30

And I think for me, my natural way is love. And what I have had to learn is to make sure I am holding love for myself or at [00:29:45] least like, at least like before I go and give that person or give that all my love. I can't afford to deplete myself anymore. And I don't want anyone else to deplete themselves. I [00:30:00] really don't.

Claude. Actually, I like the [: 00:30:15

Aransas: Yeah, and that's a great example, right, of control. You can control the acknowledgment that [00:30:30] you get by giving it to yourself. How else do you keep yourself in that state of self love, graciousness, and kindness?

have to get enough sleep. I [: 00:30:45

So I commute to the city for work and I need that. Sometimes it's very long commute, but I need that hour each way. I do. I need my [00:31:00] music. I need my best buddies who remind me all the time. I need the sun. I need to be outside. And especially with having kids and a big job and a relationship and a lot of responsibilities.

If [: 00:31:15

Aransas: Yeah, we can all have that conversation. What is the context of the times when I'm at my best and what is the context of the times when I'm [00:31:30] not, and then build the routines and the life to match those times where we are at our best and minimize those where we're at our worst.

ist, she says, ask yourself, [: 00:31:45

Aransas: Yeah. I say, how am I physically? How am I mentally? [00:32:00] How am I emotionally?

omains. I love it. How am I? [: 00:32:15

If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share [00:32:30] them with the Uplifters in your life, and then. Join us in conversation over at theuplifterspodcast. com, head over to Spotify, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast and like, follow and [00:32:45] rate our show. It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories.

Mmm.

love painted water, sunshine [: 00:33:00

Lift you up.[00:33:45]

Lift you

lift.[: 00:34:00

Beautiful. I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice. Right, in the pre chorus, right? Uh huh. I was like Mommy, stop crying. Mommy,

nomination: [: 00:34:15