The Power of Gratitude: Cultivating Connection and Overcoming Obstacles with Gina Hamadey

THIS WEEK ON THE UPLIFTERS

To fill some empty train travel time one cold morning in January, Gina Hamadey wrote out a few Thank You notes that had been lingering on her to-do list. When she was finished, she felt something different than the usual satisfaction of crossing a task off of her list. She felt a sense of lightness that carried into her day.

So, she did it again the next day and the next. By January 31st, she’d written 31 notes and felt energized. She became curious about what would happen if she kept writing one note each day for a year. It sounded crazy, but as she started to think about the groups of people she’d reach out to: her neighbors, family, and friends; the store clerks who made her daily life warmer; the restauranteurs, servers, and chefs who made meals memorable; and people who had mentored and guided her in her life and career, she got so excited that she turned it into a plan to write 365 Thank You notes to people who were important to her. 

She started simply, but as she went along, she began to face and overcome big emotional obstacles by reaching out to people she’d lost touch with and people with whom the endings hadn’t been simple. In doing so, she healed fractured relationships, rekindled lost connections, deepened her sense of belonging, and even though the year didn’t mark any major life milestones, she looks back on it as one of the best years of her life. 

I thought Gina’s story would be a reflection on gratitude, but it turned out to be a how-to manual for something much more significant: connection. In my research, I’ve asked many thousands of people what it means to live a good life. Their answers boil down to three things: to be well physically and mentally, to leave a positive impact on the world, and to connect with other people. Gina’s story teaches us how small and simple acts can deepen our sense of connection, which can feel difficult to cultivate, especially in adulthood.

Aransas Savas (28:02.962) Your book is a challenge to all of us to look at where we feel a little craving for deeper connection, from our weakest to our strongest ties, and to reach out bravely and take action to strengthen those ties,

Gina Hamadey (28:36.58) We have more ties than we realize. If the prompt was to write 30 mentors or 30 neighbors, you might be surprised to find that you have those people there. It's just that some of those connections need fostering.

Aransas Savas (29:02.962) Yeah, just like anything that matters. My plants die if they don't get sunlight and water. My relationships wither without attention. 

Want to embark on your own gratitude journey? Gina offers some powerful prompts in our conversation, and offers this as a starting point: If you want to just write one gratitude letter, think of somebody who has meant a great deal in your life, but who isn’t aware of that impact, perhaps a teacher, role model, or mentor, and write to them letting them know of their impact on you.

LIFE LESSONS

While I truly love Gina’s focus on connection and gratitude, her book is most universal for the lessons it teaches on how to work through mental hurdles to accomplish our biggest, scariest goals. Here are a few that you'll hear in Gina’s story, that maybe you’ll want to add to your story too:

• Build a plan made up of actions that energize and excite you.

• Timebox it in small chunks.

• You are in charge, so if something feels boring or uninteresting, look for ways to make it more compelling.

• Build your muscles by starting with the most do-able and clear tasks first, and use those newly honed strengths to make the next section of your long-range goal easier

• When it feels like you can’t go on, change your rules to make it easier

• Use accountability as a forcing function by telling other people about your audacious goals

• Release any expectations of any response or reply from others. You’re doing this for you, so focus on what you are doing, and do it well.

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Let’s keep rising higher together 💓,

Aransas

 

 

More on Gina

Gina Hamadey is the author of the book I Want to Thank You (TarcherPerigee, spring 2021), about her year writing 365 thank you notes to friends, neighbors, family members, mentors, and more (much more!) She was the travel editor at Food & Wine and Rachael Ray Every Day and started her career at the groundbreaking titles O, the Oprah Magazine and George. She founded the content and social strategy firm Penknife Media. She has written for The New York Times, Real Simple, and Elle, and wrote the cookbook ¡Buenos Nachos!