Episode 104
The Courage to Give and Accept Support: How Jessica Varian Carroll Turns Vulnerability into Impact
Today’s Featured Uplifter: Jessica Varian Carroll
She started her business with a box of Hefty garbage bags and zero experience. As a single mom of four with spotty child support, Jessica Varian Carroll's motto was stark and simple: "Work or be homeless. Those were the only choices I had."
There was a time when Jessica collected the loose change from her dryer just to feed her children. The water company had shut off service to her small ranch house, forcing her to send her kids to their father's just to shower. Yet even at her lowest moments, something in Jessica resisted accepting help. When friends encouraged her to visit St. Vincent de Paul for assistance, her first reaction was, "I don't deserve this help. This help is needed by others."
It's a paradox many of us recognize - our willingness to help others coupled with our reluctance to ask for it ourselves. Research shows we consistently underestimate others' willingness to help by nearly 50%. We're literally walking around assuming people will say no to our requests at double the rate they actually do.
Today, Jessica's organizing company has rehomed over a million items to charity. She's the author of She Had No Business, co-founder of the SOAR symposium for women, and a community activator who can raise $1,000 in a single day for families in need. Her journey from the shy girl in the corner to someone who confidently extends hundreds of invitations is a testament to what becomes possible when we transform our relationship with asking.
Listen to this episode if:
- You find yourself hesitating to ask for help, even when you really need it
- You've ever felt like an outsider waiting for an invitation
- You want to make bigger impact with limited resources
- You're seeking practical ways to build community around your mission
- You need permission to be braver about inviting others into your life or work
Her Courage Practice: The Radical Art of Invitation
Where most of us wait for permission or suffer silently, Jessica boldly extends invitations that create ripples of positive change.
It started when she was in the corner at a networking event, desperately wanting to belong but too shy to insert herself. A simple "Hey, we're going for drinks at Watermark for my birthday. Do you want to come?" changed everything for her.
That moment became a template for Jessica's approach to community building. For every event, she now invites hundreds – not because she expects everyone to come, but because she remembers how it felt to need that explicit invitation. "I over-invite everything," she explains. "I sent out 750 messages for our first S.O.A.R. event because you don't know who needs that personal invitation. And then guess what? They show up and become your biggest fan."
Jessica continues this invitation practice even when resources are scarce. When she couldn't afford to host a birthday party, she found a public place where people could gather without cost to her. When families needed Christmas gifts, she leveraged her network to raise $1,000 in a day. Her invitations have rehomed over a million items to charity, creating a community-powered pipeline of generosity.
Listen to more Movement Makers here
Let’s keep rising higher together.
💓 Aransas
Transcript
TUP EP 104
Aransas Savas: [:And it really got me thinking about this. Paradox that most of us live in, there is a gap between [00:00:45] our willingness to help other people and our reluctance to ask for it ourselves. So I started looking into the research on it and it kind of blew my mind. It shows that We consistently underestimate other people's willingness to [00:01:00] help by nearly 50%, literally half.
re playing this strange game [:Sitting a little close to home here. Anyway, I started wondering what else we're missing out [00:01:30] on in this hesitation because When we help other people, our brains actually light up the same reward systems that activate after a good run or a perfect piece of chocolate. There's something called a helper's high, and it's this beautiful [00:01:45] biochemical reaction that makes supporting others feel good.
percent of [:I've been experimenting with this in my own life lately and just [00:02:15] telling myself that I have to let myself be seen in moments when I need support. And yes, I still get the vulnerability hangovers, that flush of embarrassment that comes after revealing [00:02:30] that I know, shocker, I don't have it all figured out.
cinating that the people who [:You probably see it as strength. And so anyway, thinking about all of this has just left me feeling more empowered, more [00:03:00] trusting of us. And as I go into my 50s, that's really what I want more of, trust. I want to bravely, boldly accept. That asking for help is a sign of strength. So today I'm going to dive into this [00:03:15] conversation with Jessica Varian Carroll, who's the founder of Organize by Design and Organize to Home and the co founder of SOAR, which is an annual symposium for women and the author of She Had No Business.
She's also a [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Well, professionally, it's just Jess and Jen.
Well, thank you so much for [:So thank you for thinking of me.
Aransas Savas: [:So I already had wanted to get connected to you and learn more about you. You were nominated for the show from the most unexpected source. My real estate agent hooked me up with her blinds [00:04:45] guy, calling the blinds, he's like, so what do you do? And I tell him and he was like, Oh my gosh, I have the perfect guest for you.
dy really, really special. I [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Aww.
Aransas Savas: Thank you.
Jessica Varian Carroll: Thanks,
ts for women, you've written [:Jessica Varian Carroll: So I met Jeff right around the time my first book came out.
nd my partner, Jen, in SOAR, [:And get it out there without, you know, giving up or just saying, screw this, it's just too hard. Jen and I have been partners for a couple years and I thought of all of the other people that deserved this opportunity to work with Jen and have their [00:06:30] story told because they had marvelous stories, they were inspiring, they've helped others.
mother of four, all of these [:And that's the only choice that I ever had. So in 2011, I started. [00:07:00] Had this idea. I watched hoarders and I was like, is organizing a thing? And I brought up to this women's group and they're like it definitely is now we're 15 years deep I've rehomed over a million items to charity and I started with not a business [00:07:15] plan a box of hefty bags And I have over 300 families.
ge. I was a mediocre student [:So anytime that you're going to throw an excuse at me, I can [00:07:45] say, well, I've been there. I've done it. I hear you, but it can be done. And here we are, you know, with monthly late workers events, we do all these type of things. And it's just from showing up, participating and saying, yes. I wanted to be [00:08:00] the best role model for my four kids to show them that anything is possible.
I mean, I had the odds stacked against me, but I kept showing up and here we are today.
y casually said my motto was [:Jessica Varian Carroll: I got married very young, and we really didn't know what we were doing. My parents were teen parents, my mom was 16, my dad was 18.
They just did the best [:And I want to be a good role model. So I mean, I left my marriage relatively early. The [00:09:00] house at the time was under foreclosure. So I moved to this small little tiny ranch with the four kids. Child support was infrequent at best. And I just had to show up to work. I had to make ends meet. So I started this organizing company on the [00:09:15] nights and weekends while I was working at the car dealership dealing with sexual harassment because I didn't know better.
marriage isn't a thing. This [:Don't talk to me. I'm in the room. I'm here, but I'm, I don't belong here. And gradually over [00:09:45] time, those became my best friends. So I was supported by a tribe of women that were doing things and making things happen and supporting me along the way. And it was really that catalyst that really helped me look bigger than my current [00:10:00] environment.
It's not just like, oh, here [:Vincent de Paul. So you can go there with any type of needs. I was signed up to go talk to them because the rent, the utilities were kind of adding up. I was like, I don't deserve this help. [00:10:30] I don't need this help. This help is needed by others. And then my friend that is on that committee, she found me. She goes, Jessica.
hey said, this is nothing to [:Aransas Savas: It sounds like you are someone who no matter what life has handed you, even when they were limited, [00:11:00] you tapped into whatever resources were available to you to create something that was of service to what you cared about most.
I remember having four kids [:And it was asking for help at the time when my godfather stepped in, handed me 100 bill, and you would have thought it was a million dollars for me at that time. But it was just, you know, giving and receiving and being open and saying, yeah, I'm struggling a [00:11:45] little bit. And, you know, okay, here, let's help, you know, no judgment, take it.
t I do is I bring everything [:So it's a passion of mine to give it [00:12:15] back.
Aransas Savas: How incredible. I can't imagine you felt ready to do anything that you've done. Based on what you've said.
remember I had left my toxic [:There was one comment in the shop. And I was like, this is it. I'm done. Like, I'm just done. I had the four [00:12:45] kids and I was like, oh, I'll get a job right after. I couldn't find work. I remember going retail. And at this point it was like Target and they're like, how much do you want to make? And I, you know, put in a lower number than I had been making at the time.
And they're like, oh [:It was big in its heyday and it's just dwindling. I had never really done anything for fundraising, but I had contributed to the school at times. So I said, yeah, I can do that. I learned so many lessons in the church basement. I was given the kindergarten class and the kids would [00:13:45] be coming in in pajamas.
o these kids and sharing the [:What do you need? And it was just, my eyes were opening to like awareness, bringing awareness, like it's right in our backyard. So people jumped on board whenever they could. You know, we did really massive [00:14:15] parties, food drives, things like that. And then the kids were like, wow, look at all of this. And then I learned back in the day for the fundraising.
I'm doing, but I'm going to [:We had double the attendees because I wrote a letter to everybody said, come join us. So I didn't know. Any of that. But I just was like, let me try it. So I'd be at football practice with the boys, and I would be licking Sam's and doing all of that. But it was like jumping the net [00:15:00] will follow. I mean, so I didn't have a playbook.
I just tried to figure it out along the way, you know, build the parachute on the way down. That's what I was doing.
u found better ways of doing [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Yeah, absolutely. And I'm still doing it. You know, Jen and I, you know, we're doing a monthly series now called the lightworkers and we're like, okay, let's pivot.
t used to be very stressful, [:The universe has your back.
say. We limit our abilities. [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Yeah. Amen to that. I mean, I've shown up to groups that I didn't [00:16:15] necessarily understand, but I was just like, what the heck? Worst case. We don't connect or it doesn't fit. I don't have to show up again, but I literally just talked about this in our March series. It was on luck. And for me, it's not luck. It's showing up.[00:16:30]
the magic happens for sure. [:Aransas Savas: Do you feel like that idea of just saying yes and showing up? Is what has allowed you to experiment and expand the way that you have?
Jessica Varian Carroll: [:From there, we had the most magical friendship and turned into a business partnership because I was throwing it out there. I was being uncomfortable and her saying yes. I mean, she was very busy at the [00:17:30] time and she wanted to pay it forward to a future author. So it was almost like a sacred contract for the two of us and now we're able to help so many more women and men that are now showing up to our events through the magic that [00:17:45] pulls together.
Jen and I are just the conduits. Magic happens in the room. We can't orchestrate that.
come pick up all this stuff, [:And I think that's really scary and vulnerable for a lot of people. And it's, people often ask me like, so many people will come to your events. I was like, it's because I invite a lot of people. I don't leave it to [00:18:30] chance because, well, then there's a very good chance nobody would be there. Then I'd be bummed and I'd feel like, oh, this thing isn't good or wanted.
that the people who need it. [:Jessica Varian Carroll: do you think about that? When I first started dipping my toe in the water, like putting myself out there outside of, and I joined this women's group, which I didn't feel I even belonged to be in, but a friend invited me.[00:19:15]
of my best friends now, she [:Do you want to come? I thought the heavens opened up because I was the shy girl in the corner. I needed an invitation. I needed that part. You can't say, okay, we're going here. I needed like, Hey, come hang. [00:19:45] And in her mind, she doesn't remember the instance, but for me, it was a big deal. So I think for me, that being such a pivotal moment for me, I invite everybody to everything.
I have a birthday [:I'd love to see you because you don't know who needs that [00:20:30] personal invitation. And then guess what? They show up and then they're your biggest fan. They're coming, everything, but they need that. So I think because that was such a big deal for me. Like, I'll throw it all out there and I mean it, join me, come hang.[00:20:45]
And I think just because I was on the other side of that and I remember. So I think that it is a big deal.
past state and uses that for [:Jessica Varian Carroll: I think when I wrote the book back in 2019. I felt like I had plateaued personally and professionally, so I wanted to dive deeper [00:21:15] to see if I was needed to open up any gaps or if I needed to revisit anything. So that's where I really got some of those aha moments. I'm still putting myself out there.
nd of mine does short films, [:And so I said, yes, it was a wonderful experience. Was I ready? Was I the right choice? I don't know. But I said, yeah. What's the worst case?
ight there. As I'm listening [:And uncertainty is a major player in all of that. So how do you talk yourself through the, [00:22:15] I don't know, I don't know how this is going to work. I don't know if people are going to want this. I don't know if people are going to say yes. I don't know if I can do it.
before I met this one friend [:I never did anything. It wasn't big deal. You know, i'm barely Surviving with the four kids like let's order a pizza We're good and she goes how you celebrate your birthday is how your year is gonna go and then i'm like, oh crap I'm [00:22:45] screwed And so ever since then, I just kind of found a public place where we could all go because I didn't have money to pay for it.
I think we're like, I don't [:Listen, do you care if you and I are there? She's like, yeah, that's great. I go then forget it all, throw it out there. If people show up, cool. If not, it's you and I what's the big deal. So it's just forgetting about what [00:23:30] the negative scenarios could be. It's like, you're bold and you're courageous and you can do this.
ly is. And I think the first [:So instead of creating the invitation that isn't a good fit for your current situation, how do you use what you do have? And for you, that was a network of people or it's those ride or [00:24:15] dies or it was the stamps. And how do you use what you have? And then third, this question of, well, what's the worst that could happen?
Exactly. A
an, here I wrote this book in:I wouldn't be able to help the people that I help and create awareness. I just would have [00:25:00] been a different person and I knew that in my first marriage, if I stayed in that, I would have slowly lost my spark. So I needed to honor myself and step out of that. And it's been okay and my kids are rock stars.
rst ingredient of the recipe [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Absolutely. A hundred percent. I mean, it's never easy messaging and texting and, you know, all of that. And, you know, at this point in time when I [00:25:30] have events, I thought I'd be at the point where I wouldn't need to personally invite people, but guess what?
ut. It's five minutes later. [:Aransas Savas: Yeah. And I feel like that work I don't love. It's not my favorite part. And I like you, I would like for that to just happen automatically.
don't know when that moment [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Yeah.
en they write a book, things [:And so we're like, I'm going to tell everybody [00:26:30] I'm talking about it and I'm going to say I'm talking about it, but I don't really talk about it because then people will read it and well, half of me wants them to read it. The other half of me is like, please don't read this, please don't read this, because you might judge me.
And it's such a [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Yeah. It was difficult because my parents were both now passed. My mom was alive at the time. But I mean, they were young parents, they lived the hippie lifestyle.
[:So when it did come out and I gave her the first copy, she read it in a day and there was red sharpie crossing out this, that she hated it because it was so vulnerable. But [00:27:45] after the death settled, she grew to appreciate it and she loved it. So it was just that initial shock of like, well, my mother would think of it this time, but everything else, my whole thing was, if I could just help one person through a situation, [00:28:00] just like.
is going to work. You know, [:But I put it out on Facebook and I remember a guy had messaged me, a family friend, and he goes, how much do you need? And he goes, I'll leave it in your door. You [00:28:30] know, so he just left me a check for, you know, a couple thousand dollars. And he said, don't ever think about it. Talk about, worry about it again.
not share. And then it's not [:We did [00:29:00] 200 packages of socks for the food pantry because I know I can put it out there with the community's help. And they're very passionate. Jessica, what do you need? Venmo, Zelle, this, that. Because they don't know people that they can touch and that helps [00:29:15] others. So that's why they like to jump in and make, you know, make things happen with me because I couldn't do it alone.
I'm still not swimming in money over here. And, you know, with the community, we make big things happen.
such a powerfully symbiotic [:But it really does depend on that invitation. The world really needs what I call activators, the people who [00:30:00] get others. Moving, history is filled with the people who have followed that urge to invite. And yet on the other hand, I think in society, so many of us, especially as women, get the [00:30:15] message that we should stand back and let somebody else lead, but it is one of the most powerful methods of leadership as evidenced by your stories.
Jessica Varian Carroll: Thank
I'm so happy we got to meet [:Jessica Varian Carroll: Yes. This is amazing.
no doubt, and I really look [:If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share them with the Uplifters in your life. And then [00:31:00] join us in conversation over at theuplifterspodcast. com. Head over to Spotify, Apple podcast, or. Wherever you get your podcast and like follow and rate our show, it'll really help us [00:31:15] connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories.
shine with rosemary, and I'm [:Lift you up, oh.
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, [:I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice. Right, in the pre chorus, right? I was like Mommy, stop crying, you're disturbing the peace.
