Daisy Auger-Dominguez is Helping Us Go From Burnt Out to Lit Up

going through and just being [: 00:00:15

Aransas: Welcome to the Uplifters Podcast. I'm Aransas Savas, and I get to talk to amazing, inspiring people. Inspiring courageous women all day.

Today I get to talk to Daisy [: 00:00:30

I'm [00:01:00] just so thrilled to have Daisy here to share her personal journey. Daisy, thank you so much for being here today.

ie Jaramillo for introducing [: 00:01:15

Aransas: If you haven't listened to Susie's episode, go listen to it., it was episode two of our podcast. So tell us your story. How did you become focused [00:01:30] on workplace culture and inclusion? Oh, my goodness.

Daisy: Well, you know, every story begins with the very beginning, which for me is I was born in New York City, but I was raised in the Dominican Republic, so I always joke that I did the opposite migratory pattern.

People just [: 00:01:45

And so that is how I moved from New York City to Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. And I was essentially my grandparents last child. kid. And just to give you a frame of [00:02:15] reference, how young my family was up until my generation, my grandmother was 35 when I was born and my grandfather, 39, that's exactly the same age I was when my daughter was born.

at happened, thinking by the [: 00:02:30

And I am their kid, right? They're my grandmother and grandfather. And so I use that language to reference them, but they're mommy and papi to me, right? That is, that [00:03:00] is how I know them. And so I grew up with essentially two sets of parents. Really, my father was the most prominent figure in my life, and, you know, he was a young guy.

ke to say that I raised him. [: 00:03:15

A distant father because we didn't live in the same city, but he was so present. He, you know, every summer I spent with him, Every Christmas break, which in the DR is about two to three weeks, I spent with him. Every vacation he [00:03:45] had, he would come to us, right? That was why I grew up. And, and I think in part because of the dreams deferred for my dad, there was such an intent on making sure that I was going to achieve greatness, right?

the, the running joke in my [: 00:04:00

That's how I learned English. And, you know, I'll tell you about when I moved to the States, but growing up, I went to school with kids from, you know, just. the highest of industry leaders in the island, as well as expats. My best friends were Danish, [00:04:30] Chinese, Israeli, Colombian, Venezuelan. I mean, you, you name it.

ly dominant. Um, you know, I [: 00:04:45

That was comforting to me. And then I lived in this mix of difference. Yeah. But then when I was a junior in high school, my dad, someone, my dad was a doorman at the Grand Hyatt Hotel. He just [00:05:00] retired last year. And someone told him she needs to come to take the SATs and the PSATs to go to college. And so he bought this house he could ill afford in New Milford, New Jersey, in Bergen County.

And I'll never forget the [: 00:05:15

I had already started, this was October of my high school, my, my junior year. And I remember just being so, and I was never angry at my dad, but I remember being so angry at him. I was leaving my [00:05:45] boyfriend, my childhood friends. I had been in school with these kids in second grade, but my grandparents came with me to help with the transition and they stayed.

oved into this little house. [: 00:06:00

When you go into a place and, like, just, even though you can speak the language, it's just not the language you speak, right? I went to a lovely public school. It was fantastic. It was a couple of blocks from where we [00:06:30] lived. Very comfortable. My dad had planned all the things, except that, Like, he wasn't a teenager anymore, right?

ce, I don't know what he was [: 00:06:45

That is how he chastised that team and humiliated the heck out of me in that process. And that wasn't his intent. Right? That wasn't his intent, [00:07:00] but it is those kinds of experiences, that normalization of othering others, and that sense for me that I had been Dominican and Puerto Rican my entire life, but now I was Hispanic.

I [: 00:07:15

And, and as a young person, I was absorbing that from my teachers. I was absorbing that from my classmates who. [00:07:45] thought it was an affront to them that I was getting accepted to the same schools that they were getting accepted, right? I was getting all of these messages and yet I also felt like I had to defend myself.

y. Our lived experiences are [: 00:08:00

I was sitting in, in these classes with the top students in the school. I deserve to be there, but because I was brown, because I was different because I, you know, I [00:08:30] had back then I had a little bit more of an accent, but right. All of the things that made me different. That's what made me less than. And so that kind of experience then followed.

I sit on the board now. I am [: 00:08:45

He's like, how does that [00:09:00] happen? That's precisely why it happens Because I have been othered so much and that is I also joke that at Bucknell University is where I became a person of color Because I did not know these terms. I did not know these [00:09:15] concepts growing up You I was on campus for like less than a week or so, and one Cecil Boone, one of the football players came to me and said, Hey sis, come and hang out with us.

t have any siblings, and I'm [: 00:09:30

And she and I were like, okay, let's go. And that became my community. That was my home for four years in central Pennsylvania, in Louisburg, PA, at Bucknell University. I found a [00:10:00] loving community, a supportive community, a community that helped me find my place in the language and the historical context for what I was experiencing because I didn't know that.

ions with a concentration on [: 00:10:15

That felt like they were very much what was imposed on me, but I didn't understand it in the social, cultural context of the United States. I went to NYU to get my master's. I have a master's in public [00:10:45] policy. I was introduced to NYU by Dr. Walter Stafford. who was a black professor who was intent on diversifying the ranks of the public policy sector.

matters of race, class, and [: 00:11:00

But the point is, is [00:11:15] that I was learning this and seeking this. And then I did a fellowship in public affairs, the core of fellows program, which was an amazing experiential learning program. And so, so if you don't get it by now, like I I'm deeply curious. I like learning. I like studying by [00:11:30] this point. My father's like, when are you going to start working?

these spaces thanks to them, [: 00:11:45

But it was also unknown to them. So it was, it was like, well, when are you going to work? And over a barbecue one day with one of his best friends who had worked at the hotel with him, And the reason why he worked at the hotel with him [00:12:00] was because he moved when he moved from Iran. He had a PhD in economics, but nobody would hire him.

or Service. And one day over [: 00:12:15

And Iran says, I don't know. I had no idea what credit risk analysis was, like, I had no idea that the degree I had in public policy could be [00:12:30] applied to credit risk, but little did I know that public financing existed. And so he gave my resume and I was hired by the grace of Nicole Johnson, who was single handedly diversifying the public finance team by bringing in young, [00:12:45] talent like me, and we looked like those old United Colors of Benetton.

years. I was a credit risk [: 00:13:00

Being at the right place. working really hard and finding my [00:13:15] space, right? Recognizing the diversity and inclusion piece came about because I was an employee of color and I knew what it was like to feel lonely, to feel sidelined, to feel confused. by others, right? I was, me and the other two Latinas [00:13:30] were always confused for each other.

s like, let's just bring in, [: 00:13:45

My early approach to diversity was like, if we build it, they will come, right? They just have them here and things will be better. Of course, eventually I learned the complexities of that, but my early efforts in D& I was really about just serving as an [00:14:00] advocate for the company to bring in more diverse talent.

That called the attention of leaders. And when this opportunity came up. They're like, well, apparently she could be good for this. And little did they or I know that that was my calling.

Aransas: What [: 00:14:15

Daisy: That it's more necessary than ever. And that it requires us to be at our best to do our best. I think for many of us, you know, I'll speak for myself. It was always about, about pushing for change and [00:14:45] driving change and doing all the things and, you know, and sometimes, you know, seeing when. burnout was facing me, right?

what, if I don't do it, who [: 00:15:00

And my biggest lesson has been. That is kind and that is, but you don't have to be a victim yourself, [00:15:15] right? Of your own doing. And in many ways I did that to myself in, you know, with the voices in my head of like, this is for the greater good, but really what great good am I doing if I am burnt out and exhausted?

And so my [: 00:15:30

before I can show up for you well. I think that's my new version of leadership now, is I need to be right within, right? Thank you, Lauryn [00:16:00] Hill. That is the name of one of my chapters in my new book. I have to be right within before I can do the things that I believe that I am in this world to do, which is to create conditions for others to thrive.

I need to be kind to myself. [: 00:16:15

Aransas: Tell us more about that journey for you of getting right. Yeah.

when I was writing Burnt Out [: 00:16:30

I intentionally designed it to come back to myself because I had felt I had lost myself so often. And in writing my book, I was able to not just write the stories of those moments, but [00:16:45] also forgive myself. And that, I think, is the hardest thing for us. It's forgiving myself for the times that I let people down.

e listened because I was too [: 00:17:00

just survive another day, right? To many of us to put food on the table [00:17:30] and you know, a roof over our heads or like my mentor reminded me yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Daisy is not always to put food on your table and the roof over your head, but for people of your caliber is really to be able to afford that vacation you want to take and to be able to afford the [00:17:45] lifestyle.

ow, being able to pay for my [: 00:18:00

Right? So it is coming to terms with the weight and impact of those constant moral injuries that you both are impacted by, but that you also and that I know I have [00:18:15] cost on others. So for me, it's a series of being the head of diversity and inclusion and having to be a spokesperson for practices and policies that you know are are not truly inclusive, are not truly in [00:18:30] the best interest of people.

executive decided, you know, [: 00:18:45

But I gotta calm that [00:19:00] nervous system while I'm calming the social media nervous system because then there's the PR side of it while I'm also calming it. who I should not be taking care of, but the senior leadership folks who are also losing their minds, right? It is the, those multiple [00:19:15] stakeholders and trying to be somewhat right for everybody, but never quite right enough for anybody.

and push and I am naturally [: 00:19:30

And with age, I've learned to tame that a bit, but I am still naturally, right, whenever there's an injustice, whenever there's something that's wrong, I just want to fix it.

Music: Mm hmm.

o establish is around my own [: 00:20:00

Aransas: that's been a hard one. Yeah, same.

he most important things are [: 00:20:15

Daisy: Cause otherwise

Aransas: my brain is just like, we have

Daisy: to get

Aransas: it all done now.

like, you know what? It may [: 00:20:30

Aransas: it's like, you're not making things better. Well, and that's true, right?

solution, right? We can see [: 00:20:45

Daisy: Totally. And I love that you give yourself that grace and, and that you have that language. I became a huge fan of mantras while I was writing my book. And I have to tell you, in full transparency, and I've said this to practitioners, it's [00:21:15] like, I was one of those people. I was like, that's woo woo stuff.

Like, that's not me. I'm a doer. I'm this immigrant woman. I just get the job done, right? This is what I do. Hey, that sounds like a

Aransas: song.

Daisy: Like, fundamentally. [: 00:21:30

All I ever did, especially during the summer of 2020 was [00:21:45] write scripts for leaders, right? But you know, it was like, you write scripts for leaders when you are doing, you know, conducting layoffs, you write scripts for leaders when they are conducting performance management conversations, you give them talking points so that to help curb their ways.

And I've done [: 00:22:00

That's exactly, you took the words right out [00:22:15] of my mouth. That is what we're trying to do. And so when I was writing Burnt Out to Lit Up, I was like, you know, I'm writing these scripts, not so that you repeat them word by word, but so that they help you be intentional and thoughtful about what you're going to say.

ese are the things that as a [: 00:22:30

Aransas: I love, love, love that you did that. We used to say in theater, learn your lines so you can forget them.

Yes. That's exactly it. Once [: 00:23:00

Aransas: But if you don't know the tool [00:23:15] exists,

intent, but most of the time [: 00:23:30

It's just like, you just, people just don't know what they don't know. And then you're, and you're there and just like, I came to have my cup filled and now my cup is empty. I'm like, I'm just going to leave my head down and walk away. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I want to be someone that leaves a [00:23:45] conversation with me with their cup full.

That's what I want to do.

es. I think. Many of us went [: 00:24:00

And I think a lot of people feel as they get into those functions, this lack of integrity. Yeah, they [00:24:15] feel betrayed. Yeah. And it's disorienting. Yes. Yeah. And so what I hear in your story is. a decision to do it differently?

ely. Managing your integrity [: 00:24:30

And for me, it's been so important. You know, a lot of people talk about their brands and to me, your brand is your reputation, right? Like this is like, this is who you are. No, and you're going to get me, you may [00:24:45] get me at different energy levels, but you're always going to get me, you know, anytime that you talk to me.

ear. This is the role that I [: 00:25:00

Because that helps the company and by the way, when that helps the [00:25:15] company, then we all make more money and then we build generational wealth and like, right, like this is supposed to be, this is supposed to be the cycle of virtuousness, right? That it's not always that. But that is the moment. We will fail.

I will fail the company [: 00:25:30

Your team already knows you're not perfect. So like, stop peaking the funk. This isn't, like, we all know you're human. So stop, like, trying to do all [00:26:00] these things. Let's, you know, like, you're not going to lose their respect. If you are honest with them, you will lose their respect and trust. If you are inconsistent, you will lose their respect and trust.

at you say, you want to say, [: 00:26:15

Not you, right? It's on me, and we're going to figure this out. And we will do it together if that's the proper course, or I will do it by myself. But it is that effort of showing your team that you genuinely care, and being [00:26:45] transparent with folks to the point that transparency is helpful. And that is the most common demand that you have from, you know, workers everywhere. But sometimes you don't need to know how the sausage is made. [00:27:00] I'm saying, you don't need to know everything that's behind the scenes. You need to know what is important and what is true.

be the first one to say that [: 00:27:15

I think it's the

ances. It's a title problem. [: 00:27:30

Daisy: supposed to be human. Yeah. And within the context of that. I am supposed to do this. Obviously, I have a sweet spot for HR practitioners because this is the work that I've done.

And [: 00:27:45

They don't need to know. It just needs to happen for them. They don't need to know all the things that you did. to make sure that that person received the right healthcare benefit. They just want it to happen. You're just as good as the work that gets done, not the how [00:28:15] to make it. And that's a hard message to give to people whose work this is.

ome to these jobs to receive [: 00:28:30

And so sometimes when it doesn't, you know, pan out that way, it is a hard, bitter pill to [00:28:45] swallow, but we have to remind ourselves, what's our purpose? Why are we in this role? And for me as a leader, that was my role to remind my team of that and to also care for their hearts. Not just their minds and their physical well being, but also their [00:29:00] hearts, because they

Aransas: can be broken, too.

I monitor the Edelman Trust [: 00:29:15

And [00:29:30] consistently over the last five years, and it really sort of fell off a cliff a couple of years ago, you see trust degrading with anything large and institutional. So whether it's government or [00:29:45] companies. And. It's only that which is in our direct sight line, which feels like it can be trusted. And I think that's really contributing to so many people leaving corporate systems.

t to be said for a corporate [: 00:30:00

And There is this real distrust of that machine and a feeling that I can't be my whole self. I can't be an integrity and be in a machine. I can't have autonomy and authority and agency in my life inside a [00:30:30] machine. If I understand what you're doing in your work, it's to say, no, you can. And so I'm excited personally, and for the sake of our audience, to hear how you're cultivating that sense of [00:30:45] integrity and authenticity.

within the organizations you lead.

have agency over our careers [: 00:31:00

It was create, it was designed to create productive workers, right? And it's just like, just churn out whatever it is you're churning out, whatever widget you're working on with knowledge [00:31:15] workers. And that became more complicated. Right. But, but inevitably it's just, you know, and if you're, you know, knowledge workers are mostly in the business of ideas and solutions.

t? And so while you do that, [: 00:31:30

First, I believe that we're in a very unique moment in history for so many [00:31:45] reasons. It is what I call the messy middle when it comes to the world of work. And that comes from employees, Finding a voice that they did not believe they had right and you know, and unions have played a role in that, but it's not just union [00:32:00] work.

they need and want is not In [: 00:32:15

I would often have to be the one saying, I was like, if I do X, Y, I cannot [00:32:30] do B and C. So I need to understand. What's most important here. And in some cases, what's most important to you is not most important to somebody else. So I'm going to make decisions that are going to make inevitably everyone unhappy, right?

happy, right? And that's the [: 00:32:45

And most of them don't even know how to handle their own middle. Right. And so you've got all of these things happening and we still have not healed. I [00:33:15] am convinced that we still, as a group of humans, we still have not emotionally, physically, I know I haven't physically, right? And I know many others, but emotionally have not healed from COVID.

And not only [: 00:33:30

I don't have it in me. And I had to just, we just kind of paused and we're like, truth. This is, this is it. And then had to have a moment of, Okay, but we're not going to draw a hole in the ground and put your head in it. So [00:34:00] what does it look like to put one foot in front of the other imperfectly?

s in the future. But we can. [: 00:34:15

And how do we do that giving ourselves grace? That whatever we do now is not going to be perfect. And O. P. S. [00:34:30] It never was going to be a,

Aransas: be perfect.

ce, I had to create my first [: 00:34:45

And up until that point, I had never created big strategic plans, right? I was, I had been a credit analyst. I had been a foundation manager, right? I had done all these operational plans, but this was strategy. This was thinking two to three years ahead. And my [00:35:00] boss, who was the then head of HR, Lent me her executive coach.

was just like, I'm going to [: 00:35:15

She, you know, we built a plan. I remember the whiteboard in my office had all these ideas and metrics and KPIs and all these things that make like, I'm a [00:35:30] geek. I love all that stuff. And as she was leaving, I had like this bolt of courage. And I just had to ask her, I was like, I'm sorry, but like, how much do you charge?

ore money now. And I'm like, [: 00:35:45

I do this for all of them. And that was my aha moment of, I have been knocking myself [00:36:00] crazy doing this stuff by myself, thinking of myself as less than, and these folks. Everyone's getting help. Yes. That's what broke through for me. I'm going to ask for help all the freaking time.

Aransas: I was

Daisy: [: 00:36:15

Aransas: this is, this is it.

a piano. No. There's like a [: 00:36:30

Daisy: ourselves up for it. Beat ourselves up for it for not knowing. That's frivolous. I mean, it was, it was such a huge aha moment and it was for so many reasons, but it was as a woman, as a woman of color, [00:36:45] feeling like I shouldn't ask for help because people will think less of me.

er to that, which is I think [: 00:37:00

Is doing that for

alk about a virtuous circle. [: 00:37:15

And so I'm already going to say like, Uplifters, let's book club this and learn [00:37:45] together and reinforce these messages and challenge one another to be courageous. in our careers and to use these scripts and to choose what we want. Yes. And to empower ourselves because we don't actually need companies to empower us.[00:38:00]

Nope. It's all in us. Yeah. Daisy, thank you for being here. Uplifters, thank you for listening in. I can't wait to hear what you think about this book and chat with you about this incredible episode.

his was so much joy. So much [: 00:38:15

Aransas: Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast.

in conversation over at the [: 00:38:30