Clear Mental, Physical, and Financial Clutter to Live your Fullest Life with Melanie Cohen

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Aransas: Welcome to the Uplifters podcast. Every week I get to talk to a woman who inspires me. Oftentimes I meet those women through the women they've inspired. I'm But this time I get to bring you [00:00:30] somebody straight from my own life. Now, truth be told, she's perhaps nominated more guests for this show than anyone else.

tions of inspiring women and [: 00:00:45

We also happen to share some kind of gnarly childhoods that we've mined to find [00:01:15] purpose and strength. So it is just a real joy to get to introduce you today to my friend, Melanie Cohen. Yay. Yay. I'm so [00:01:30] happy I'm here right now. Melanie is currently translating her two decades of coaching into a program that I find incredibly exciting and what she's doing is she's helping people manage their health and wellness [00:01:45] by removing clutter from their lives in all these different domains.

g really formed a foundation [: 00:02:00

Melanie: little Mel. Well, you said the beginning, so I'm going to say I've been told on a regular basis that I was conceived on an acid trip.

So, [: 00:02:15

Aransas: out great.

y. So yeah, My father was an [: 00:02:30

But my father's dream was always to be like the Maher, you know, in Yiddish, the head, the head of the family, the guy who took care of everybody. And not a lot of scientists make [00:03:00] a million dollars. He wanted me to have nice things, my mom to have nice things, and he wanted to send me to private school.

aphers the guy who puts your [: 00:03:15

And it was like, [00:03:30] so normal in my life. It was like completely normal that people traipsed in and out of our West side apartment to buy drugs. My parents smoked pot. I never saw them drink alcohol. Like, you know, My other friend's family's having like scotch [00:03:45] before dinner or after dinner, like didn't make sense to me.

drugs And so things got bad. [: 00:04:00

And I was like, yeah, four, three, two, whatever I [00:04:30] needed to know. And he said, go into the drawer. And I, you know, I climbed the ladder, opened the drawer and there's a paper bag. And he said, so. That's just in case anything ever happens. And all this time, I thought there [00:04:45] was like 10, 000 in there. I was telling my dad, I'm going to tell you a story.

old that I knew what just in [: 00:05:00

And it sounds crazy to hear someone who went to [00:05:15] private school and went to gymnastics camp and then went off to a private college. That money scarcity was a thing, but it really was, it really was a thing for me. I went off to college. My father's drug addiction was so bad. He went to rehab numerous times.

They stopped paying [: 00:05:30

My parents and I became estranged and I was out on my own without a college degree thinking like, [00:06:00] what am I ever going to do with my life? If I don't have a college degree, I am never going to make any money. I worked as a nanny, which I loved doing. And I found a job in retail. I was able to get promoted relatively quickly, but I was paying off debts that [00:06:15] were beyond normal student loan payments.

e to make it. One, because I [: 00:06:30

And what I was in college to study was psychology. I was studying [00:06:45] psychology and I was studying exercise science because I wanted to be like the great sports psychologist one day. And that wasn't going to happen without a master's, if not a PhD. So I just kept trudging along. I got to a point [00:07:00] in my life where no longer being a gymnast meant that I was someone completely different.

or being in my top shape at [: 00:07:15

for being over [00:07:30] 200 pounds and started my weight loss journey and immediately was recruited to come work for Weight Watchers, which seemed like a really good fit for me because I was helping people. It was like doing the thing I went to college to do. I stayed for a really long [00:07:45] time. I stayed because I loved, I loved the members.

The person would then would [: 00:08:00

And so starting my own business was really hard because there was like this fear now I'm the one that's responsible.

Aransas: Yeah. And if I don't make enough money, then it's a direct reflection on my personal worth.

%. [: 00:08:30

Aransas: one on the books, one, not

Melanie: one was on the up and up.

iness person, I think I also [: 00:08:45

So we're talking about a tremendous amount of mental clutter. And. [00:09:00] The past two years of, you know, starting my business have all been about removing clutter. And for me, the mental and the financial clutter

ferent forms that I've heard [: 00:09:15

And a scarcity mindset around money, there will not be enough money, I'm not worthy of enough money, is one that a lot of us struggle [00:09:30] with.

Melanie: Most of it has been about knowing that I am worthy to make money. Have you read Profit First?

Aransas: Yeah.

Melanie: That helped a lot. You know, just the idea of pay yourself first.

It's like I was [: 00:09:45

You are going to have a four year degree. What you do with it afterwards is completely up to you. If you want to go to graduate school, that's on your own. [00:10:15] But being able to say, I am worthy. I was worthy doing all the hard work that it took to lose weight. You know, I was worthy of so many other things in my life, but somehow, because I came from a family [00:10:30] that didn't have a lot of money, And I feel so badly saying that sometimes because I know how well I lived on my father not having a lot of money.

ch as your poorest friend, I [: 00:10:45

Aransas: Mm hmm. That can really impact our sense of belonging, which is so critical in those adolescent years and really can [00:11:00] shape how we feel about our sense of belonging throughout all of life.

A hundred percent. Yeah. What helped you feel safe around money?

w, talk about challenging me [: 00:11:15

So what would be so bad if I made some money and saw, you know, like, does this feel good? As [00:11:30] opposed to like holding yourself back. And I think that's part of it is as, as you strip away the mental clutter, you're more able to see with clarity. The reality that mental clutter, all the self limiting beliefs, the [00:11:45] things that we tell ourselves that aren't true.

Once I start removing those things, then the real me, the real thoughts are there.

hts that you needed to break [: 00:12:00

Melanie: So funny. I am putting together a workshop I'm doing with teen girls on Friday, teen dancers. We're doing a self confidence workshop.

self value? Like, how do you [: 00:12:15

And I did those four questions because those are the questions I ask myself on a regular basis. [00:12:45] What's making you angry? What's scaring you? What's worrying you? I don't end with those. You know, once I get all that out and throw it away, then I gotta go to the four questions like, what makes you happy?

re you most proud of? And it [: 00:13:00

Aransas: So. If you started your own journey toward clearing clutter by looking at your financial mindsets, what other [00:13:30] domains have you had to clear in order to thrive?

I'm going to help people get [: 00:13:45

I was going to help people and we were going [00:14:00] to talk about the physical clutter, all the stuff around them. We were going to talk about the digital clutter. All the stuff on our phones and our computers, we were going to talk about mental clutter. And I hadn't been thinking about the financial piece until I was working with one of my [00:14:15] very first clients.

your finger on the floor and [: 00:14:30

And that's when she was. Like you could see like the head explode. It was like,

Aransas: Oh,

ified to help her with this. [: 00:14:45

You know, and so we don't buy everything we see because it might be a great idea. We take our time. We put qualifications on. I need to wait 24 [00:15:00] hours before I hit enter on Amazon or, you know, I have to go home and then I have to go back to the store if I really want that thing. And her clutter was coming from shopping and it wasn't.

in her home, she saw that as [: 00:15:15

Aransas: As you think about all these different domains of clutter that you, your clients, all of us have, what are some of the process points that people or [00:15:45] you go through to help clear clutter in any area?

e says he has like dozens of [: 00:16:00

I'm like, you don't need those anymore, dad. Yes, I do. You never know this chemical equation or this mathematical equation or the [00:16:15] diagrams that I created to remind him on a regular basis. There's the internet. If it's your patent, like you own the patent, it's online. So he's having a hard time coming around on that.

clutter around me growing up [: 00:16:30

But there are so many causes behind clutter. that this isn't like, Oh, she's crazy. She has clutter [00:17:00] or Oh, what's wrong with her. You know, stress can lead to clutter. Depression can lead to clutter. Exhaustion can lead to clutter. Perfectionism can lead to clutter, which sounds so counterintuitive to so many people.[00:17:15]

in its place. That's how my [: 00:17:30

And she got a master's in computer science in 1977. Like, you know, like that was a big thing, women in science. [00:17:45] And I remember she took evening classes and she would come home and she would take her notes. And transfer them to a composition notebook. She would have red, green, blue, and black pilot razor [00:18:00] pens.

hen you start having clutter [: 00:18:15

And so that's where so many people's clutter comes from is the [00:18:30] complete paralysis in being able to tackle it whether it's physical, paper, digital, emotional.

nd so I love that answer and [: 00:18:45

And so for those who are completely overwhelmed by the scale of the problem in any area. [00:19:00] How do you get them to think about where to begin?

Melanie: There's a lot to uncover there. One is like, it doesn't have to be done all at once. You know, it's just like, it's just like my weight. I didn't wake up one morning over 200 pounds.

Like that [: 00:19:15

But that's what we need to hear, you know? So whether you, whether you say something like, okay, every day at five o'clock, I [00:19:45] will spend, I will turn the little, you know, kitchen timer on, and I will do 10 minutes of just, you know, Getting through something 10 minutes every day at the end of the week. We've spent over an hour, you know decluttering But there are a lot of different perspectives They were just [00:20:00] like focus on just one space and one space doesn't mean my bedroom is a mess It doesn't mean the closet is a mess It means that one shelf, you know or this much of hanging clothing that it has to be ridiculously simple because eventually [00:20:15] ridiculously simple builds on itself or more confident.

ave my favorite strategy and [: 00:20:30

And then you increase each day. Day two, you get rid of two things. Day five, five things. Day [00:20:45] seven, seven things. And if you do it for 30 days. You've gotten rid of over 450 items, which is huge. It's huge. I'm a fan of you do as much as you can. You just want to do the first seven days. You know, you only want to do it on [00:21:00] weekends.

Great. It's about making progress and 30 items. is kind of scary. But if you've started with one and you start building up, 30 is like, I got that in my sleep.

Aransas: How is your life [: 00:21:15

Melanie: Clutter gets in the way of us being efficient.

never had the space that my [: 00:21:30

My husband's been a book collector for a very long time. He likes to collect authors signed first editions. I am the person who would say, let's declutter the books, but I'm not going to ask anybody to get rid of it because books are so sentimental. It's like, we love to hold them. And I [00:22:00] know. Like, I don't ever want to read on a Kindle.

parents house. They had that [: 00:22:15

It gets cleaned up faster We waste less food the refrigerator doesn't like I always grew up with the like the refrigerator has [00:22:30] to look full You know because that also comes from that scarcity thing And my mother was raised by someone who lived through the depression. My mother lived through the cold war although I also grew up during the cold war and they're all [00:22:45] those like You have to have lots of cans of food in case of nuclear fallout You Actually, we had a deep freezer in the house.

what's gonna happen in life. [: 00:23:00

There is a statistic that the average person spends an entire year of their life looking [00:23:15] for lost items. I don't do that anymore.

Aransas: You know what you have.

Melanie: Like every once in a while I misplace something, but I know what I have and I know where I have it, so I'm not spending a ton of time looking for lost things.

Is

Aransas: that

Melanie: crazy?

Aransas: That's [: 00:23:30

and I'm a minimalist, so I can't even imagine people who have a lot of stuff.

ause I always fear that when [: 00:23:45

Music: Right.

valued spaced clutter coach. [: 00:24:00

Aransas: And so it becomes very personal. But it also becomes an opportunity to reconnect with our [00:24:15] values and to live in greater alignment with our values.

actual value, like that's a [: 00:24:30

But so many of us feel so much energy. Our, our things have energy and the energy that comes out [00:25:00] of things that belong to someone before is incredible energy. But the question is like, how much of that do I need? Like, does my grandmother want me to be overwhelmed by all of her stuff or does she want me to enjoy the pieces that I have?

Aransas: That's such a [: 00:25:15

I was like, I would do you a real disservice if I gave you a locked in number, but I can give you [00:25:45] some mental filters to help you consider what's worth keeping and what isn't.

Melanie: Right.

, I think we all like a nice [: 00:26:00

Yeah. And so much of your courage journey, which is essentially I think the theme of every episode of this podcast is [00:26:15] trust, trusting that you are enough, trusting that you have enough, trusting that you are of.

urious at this point in your [: 00:26:30

Melanie: I was having a conversation with someone recently. I have a friend who's been on your podcast who has a very successful organizing business and I tell her on a regular [00:27:00] basis,

Aransas: Sonia Weiss Apple, listen to that episode. Yes.

Melanie: Yes, yes, yes. But I've told her, I don't want to work as hard as you do. And I know the first time I said it to her, she was like, I'm sorry, what?

years old. And [: 00:27:15

doing this because I'm not willing to do that much hard work. And I think that like goes against everything that we've taught, you know, have a good Protestant work ethic. She's, you know, you know, she always [00:27:45] gives it the good try. And so I am giving it the good try or I'm doing it. This is not trying, this is doing, but my ability to say, I'm not willing to work 60 to 70 hours a week for this for me [00:28:00] was an incredibly courageous thing.

they're worth. And even if I [: 00:28:15

[00:28:30] Having been someone who worked in retail. And then someone who worked in the coaching role that she did, people that are with the consumer, the people who are with the people that pay our bills are the ones that get paid the least. That's not going to happen in my business. [00:28:45]

Aransas: I love that. And you're so right.

ause women are not empowered [: 00:29:00

Melanie: Yeah. I don't want to be a part of that.

t want to be a part of that. [: 00:29:15

Aransas: What I hear in that is you saying, I want to live in accordance with my values. And that if I'm going to have this financial standard for myself, I want to contribute to that for others too. What are [00:29:30] three things that energize you, Melody?

Melanie: What are three things that energize me?

I am still fixated very much [: 00:29:45

I'm like, Oh my God, that's me. So food, definitely. And you know, when I like food, because I sing and dance. So I think a lot of like those preacher comforts of, you know, like food and coffee, but at the end of the day, it's [00:30:15] just spending time with my friends and family. Like I love a game night. I love doing like all of the, the stupid, fun things.

nds like you are designing a [: 00:30:30

Melanie: Yeah. I'm not cleaning their rooms for them. I learned a long time ago that what their space [00:30:45] stressed me out. Mm

Aransas: hmm. Yeah.

Melanie: But that didn't mean that they had to live a different way. But just keep your door closed. I don't want to look at it. You live however you want to. I just don't want to see it. It's fine.

s about those little things, [: 00:31:00

Be glad that this is how I've chosen to do it. Like, you got it,

Music: girl.

teenager, yeah, she's right. [: 00:31:15

Music: My rebellions were not so cute or legal.

Melanie: Well, I always used to ask the question, how does a teenager rebel when their parent is a drug dealer?

Aransas: They become,

Melanie: I don't know.

Aransas: [: 00:31:30

Melanie: I always felt, oh gosh, wouldn't that be like family ties? Michael J Fox played Alex P. Keaton. He was the Republican to his Democrat parents. That's exactly it. Like if, I mean, there were times I got in trouble. [00:31:45] I showed up late, you know, I told a fib, but. Yeah, the whole drugs and alcohol thing weren't going to be.

t. His father was a gambler. [: 00:32:00

Music: There you go. I think that might be the title [00:32:15] of our book. Maybe your daughters will get obsessed with croquet or something.

Melanie: I don't know. crochet. This is what gives me life is like silly conversations like this too.

. Thank you for sharing your [: 00:32:30

Aransas: Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast. If you're getting a boost from these episodes, please share them with the Uplifters in your life and [00:32:45] then Join us in conversation over at TheUpliftersPodcast.

our show. It'll really help [: 00:33:00

Music: big love painted water, sunshine with rosemary, and I'm [00:33:15] dwelling. Not perplexing though.

ingtime dance. With that all [: 00:33:30

Lift you up.

Lift you[: 00:34:00

lift.

[: 00:34:15