Are you a Head, Heart, or Hand Listener?

Imagine that each of us is wearing glasses with differently tinted lenses. The color of your lens represents your background, culture, and beliefs, and influences how you see and interpret the world. Through your green-tinted lens, it might feel almost impossible to imagine my fuchsia-tinted world.

So it was when Kym Dakin, author of Head, Heart, and Hands Listening in Coach Practice was hired by The Environmental Protection Agency to help their field operators, who were focused on environmental impacts and data, communicate with farmers and landowners who saw the land through completely different lenses. 

While each of us sees the world differently, we also hear others differently. In this episode, you’ll learn about three types of listening: Head, Heart, and Hand Listening, and how understanding these different listening styles can help you communicate more effectively.

Head Listeners hear data, Heart Listeners hear feelings underneath words, and Hand Listeners listen to translate words into actions.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• [00:15:00] How to assess your personal listening style.

• [00:28:00] The role of assumptions and personal stories in shaping our listening styles.

• [00:32:00] Questions you can ask to improve the impact of your listening.

Kym was nominated for the Uplifters by Julie Hughes.

About Kym:

Kymberly Dakin-Neal is a mindset coach specializing in effective communication and professional presence for over a decade. She works successfully with newly promoted employees, women running for office, and entrepreneurs pitching new products. Kym helps train medical professionals in more productive listening and patient communication via the Standardized Patient program at Tufts and Kaiser Permanente. Kym has also developed and recently sold a bookmarking app called Nugget to eliminate the need to take notes in online meetings. She is a mindset coach with Positive Intelligence and her book “Head, Heart, and Hands Listening in Coach Practice” has been released this year by Routledge Publishers. Learn more about Kym: LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram, and check out her wonderful book: Head, Heart, and Hands Listening in Coach Practice by Kimberly Dakin-Neal

Episode Summary

**Segment 1: Exploring Kym's Journey into Listening**

- Kym shares her experience of working with field operators in the Department of Environmental Protection.

- Field operators' frustration in communicating with landowners violating environmental statutes.

- The realization that effective communication required a shift in listening styles.

- Introduction to three modalities of listening: head, heart, and hands listening.

- The story of Kym's experience with her teenage daughter, and the challenges of different listening styles within the family.

- How personal experiences and professional work led Kym to explore and refine her own listening skills.

**Segment 2: Understanding Heart Listening**

- Aransas and Kym discuss heart listening as a focus on emotions, body language, and the truth beneath words.

- Kym's story of her near-collision on the highway and Aransas' analysis of her heart-centered listening during the incident.

- The role of gratitude and curiosity in heart listening.

- The idea that individuals with strong heart listening tend to notice emotional cues and experiences over facts and details.

- The importance of understanding and embracing different listening styles.

**Segment 3: Exploring Hand Listening**

- Aransas and Kym define hand listening as seeking solutions and taking action.

- The misconception of hand listening as giving advice, and the importance of asking questions instead.

- The story of Kym's husband's ability to provide support and hand listening during their daughter's challenging times.

- Kym's emphasis on building alliances and finding common goals as a part of hand listening.

- The need for intentionality in conversations and recognizing biases to improve listening.

**Segment 4: Identifying and Improving Your Listening Style**

- Aransas and Kym discuss how individuals can assess their own listening styles.

- Kym suggests an assessment exercise to help identify your predominant listening style.

- The importance of mirroring, reflecting, and asking open-ended questions to enhance active listening.

- The power of curiosity and asking "What's behind that for you?" to understand others' perspectives.

- The role of assumptions and personal stories in shaping our listening styles.

**Segment 5: The Impact of Heart Listening in Various Professions**

- Aransas and Kym discuss how heart listening can benefit different professions.

- Imagining the impact if doctors, lawyers, construction workers, and real estate agents embraced heart listening.

- The significance of empathy, curiosity, and understanding in building connections and resolving conflicts.

- The need for more heart listening in a world filled with noise and lack of genuine communication.

**Segment 6: Self-Care Through Heart Listening**

- The importance of self-care for uplifters and caregivers.

- Kym's self-care routine: taking three deep breaths, creating space, and practicing curiosity.

- How self-care helps in regulating emotional responses and making more informed decisions.

- The role of self-empathy and self-compassion in self-care.

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