Holly St John Peck is Finding Love and Life on the Other Side of Loss

TUP EP 068

Aransas: [: 00:00:00

Gerilynn: Well, I am so [00:00:15] happy to nominate my friend and colleague Holly Peck. What I find inspiring about Holly is that when we talk about adversity, Holly lost her husband at, he was 47. You know, she was probably just that age too. And she had two [00:00:30] teenage children and she has persevered and she helps other women.

extreme sports. She became a [: 00:00:45

She is absolutely an [00:01:00] inspiring person.

Aransas: Welcome to the Uplifters podcast. I'm Miranda Savas and today I'm joined by Holly St. John Peck, the CEO of Peck Training Group. But like so many uplifters, her story doesn't begin the pinnacle.

d finding her way through to [: 00:01:30

Holly: I'm honored, Aransas. Thank you.

Aransas: So take us back to the moment that changed everything for you, Holly.

d died suddenly from a heart [: 00:02:00

I really wanted to cry in a corner being catatonic and not interacting with the world at all. And, and actually I did that for several months after his passing, but I knew at some point that I had a business to run, being self employed. [00:02:30] I had two early teenagers to raise, a home to take care of. And ultimately, I realized that I had a life to live on my own.

e spouse, but rather to live [: 00:02:45

And Sometimes early in my grief, I really realized the only thing to be grateful for was the day itself. And I would just step outside [00:03:15] every morning and go, go look at the sun, look in the sky and, and actually say this mantra, this is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. And that was the only thing that I could hold onto in those early days to train my brain to be more grateful for my [00:03:30] own life and my children's lives each day, taking baby steps.

That was the beginning of

like a really long journey. [: 00:03:45

Holly: Yes.

Aransas: And looking for the light.

a little bit more out of the [: 00:04:00

[00:04:15] And this was a moment where I needed to help myself and also keep helping people in a bigger way. And so I chose to use that skill set and that mindset of, of life coaching to help other women and young widows. to get to the other side of [00:04:30] grief successfully. And I actually started a foundation in my husband's name, the Eric E.

ave them virtual training to [: 00:04:45

Aransas: There is something so profound And empowering about [00:05:00] that because as an act of healing can get out of ourselves and out of the focus on the pain and the loss, Yes. And turn attention to creating [00:05:15] something new, having impact, being of service. That's right. We can find a way to more deeply and sustainably heal ourselves.

that pain, if not shared to [: 00:05:30

And so I knew that I couldn't Stay there. I knew that I had to run my business. I knew I had to raise my kids. I [00:06:00] knew I was the main breadwinner. And you know what? The best advice I received. Orenzis was right after my husband died and it really stayed with me. It was ironically from a woman named Angelica and she was one of the first people I worked with when [00:06:15] my husband died at the funeral home.

he said, number one, ask for [: 00:06:30

That's their gift to you. So don't refuse the gift [00:06:45] and number three. And this was really good for me because I was one of those stoic kind of, you know, proud people. She said, don't be afraid to cry or let others see you do so. You've earned this grief from your great loss and love. Thank you so much. [00:07:00] And he did every one of those points, and it really served me well.

e and Loss,it was based on a [: 00:07:15

Aransas: I love all three of these points, this idea of not refusing someone's gift, right? Because so many of us, we want to be [00:07:30] nice and kind and that's a big part of why we refuse the gift.

music: That's right.

Exactly. Is really profound.[: 00:07:45

Yes. And then this last piece about you've earned this grief through your great love. Yes. I was talking to a friend today who's considering having children and I said, look, this is the one thing I know [00:08:00] for sure. More love is better for me.

Holly: Exactly.

Aransas: And it means more pain, more grief, more loss, more problems.

ultiplies with every beast I [: 00:08:15

Holly: That's right, because you got to take the bad with the good. And often the good will outweigh the bad, right? Yeah, always. You know, just like having another love. We know it's going to be painful, but the good should outweigh

Aransas: the pain.

Holly: That's right.

better. More love is better. [: 00:08:45

And it's interesting, I think, for your story because you did lose this great [00:09:00] love. Would you, and maybe you can't even answer this, I don't know, would you ask that it not happen? Now, these years later, if you could undo it, would you?

ay and every day that we can.[: 00:09:45

And my new husband, whom I've been married to six years, inspired me to live fully in spite of being a widow, in spite of losing my love, and he inspired me to really play and to find joy in play. And I learned that joy [00:10:00] in play is the antithesis of grief and sorrow. And once I got that, I started living that and I started learning extreme sports, you know, in my 50s, no less, you know, I learned to scuba dive, I learned downhill mountain biking, I learned kite surfing, you know, [00:10:15] they're all extreme sports.

ore empowered and find their [: 00:10:30

Aransas: and life is good.

le we, we might not wish for [: 00:10:45

Holly: I found a lot of beautiful things in loss. I found a lot of painful things too, but yes, [00:11:00] it's taught my kids and I both a lot about life and love and the human spirit.

etting them is so important. [: 00:11:15

You want to hear [00:11:30] them? Please. Okay, so one is related to what we were just talking about with helping my number one lesson through any kind of loss or tragedy to move forward successfully is to love and help others to heal yourself. So [00:11:45] after loss or tragedy, you can get stuck or you can get moving.

ving life and loving others, [: 00:12:00

But it's also helping yourself be, you know, because the asking for help, [00:12:15] accepting help whenever I forget to seek out help or growth. So that's my number one lesson. My number two lesson is rediscover play. You know, life is short. Live it up. Find your passion by trying new things, new hobbies and interests.[00:12:30]

you eat a great meal or have [: 00:12:45

And when you play in life, you get those hormones. And so I try to look at life like a game. I recently traveled with some of my girlfriends for my big 60th and we decided to rent a car and do a beach crawl. And in [00:13:00] the end, kind of voting and deciding our favorites and why. So we made the whole day a game and it was so much fun.

taking turns filling in the [: 00:13:15

I mean, I, I share stories all the time in my training events and private coaching about my life, my fears, my loss, my tragedy, my challenges, whether it's in sports or losing a spouse or something I'm learning new that's really [00:14:00] hard. And how I overcame them and I'm hoping to inspire others to do the same.

. Be yourself. Everyone else [: 00:14:15

Aransas: I think you're right. And I, I believe so deeply in all three of those. And we've been talking a lot about how these stories help us all [00:14:30] gather more courage to do what we want and need to do in this life.

Love and letting others help [: 00:14:45

Holly:

ch loss from love to be able [: 00:15:00

Holly: Yeah, that's definitely the hard part.

onoring their late spouse or [: 00:15:15

And I think being an entrepreneur, I was a little bit more open to risk than some people. I think you just have to have [00:15:30] faith that if you trust yourself and you choose correctly, you accept what is, and there's always going to be pain, right? With love, as you mentioned earlier, but you have to choose a partner that gives you a lot more than the pain.

d it sounds like it's a very [: 00:15:45

I thought of it as like this completely different thing, and I was like, Oh, that thing is good. But if I was [00:16:15] comparing it to cheese, it was terrible. And told you super weird analogy. I don't know why my brain went there. But is it about comparison? Yes. And it's about being able to be present with what is instead of trying to make it [00:16:30] into what was.

st wasn't and you know, hey, [: 00:16:45

Now, what that meant for me is I didn't see him on certain days of the week because of that. We didn't have a hobby together. And as much as he wanted me to play golf, I did not want to play [00:17:00] golf. I thought it was the most boring thing I'd ever seen in my life. And so now the silver lining is with my new husband, my second love of my life, is he really wanted to do a hobby with me.

sports. I fell in love with [: 00:17:15

Aransas: I think is really important. [00:17:30] Yeah. That's so beautiful.

And what do people say when you? Tell them that you're a kite surfer and that you took it up in your fifties.

, anybody can do it. And you [: 00:17:45

And I'm like, no, no, no, this is not a muscle sport. This is a finesse and balance sport. And you know, who better than women to be balanced and have finesse, right? So it's a perfect sport for [00:18:00] women, actually.

hat you've done in your life [: 00:18:15

You talk about kite surfing as being this act of freedom and expansiveness and I find it super interesting that you're doing it at a stage in your body. [00:18:30] where traditionally we talk about our bodies getting stiff and rigid and uncomfortable. Yeah. And you're kind of countering that with your choices?

Holly: Yes. I mean, my [: 00:18:45

Yes, because it's such a fun sport. So it's really just about not thinking about age or [00:19:15] limitations. It's really just doing what you love and pushing yourself to keep doing it. And I set goals for myself. I talked about being playful and having little games and activities for something that might just seem like drudgery.

enge myself to go out for an [: 00:19:30

That's really cool. And I can land without crashing and killing myself. [00:19:45] That's even cooler. So, you know, setting goals for yourself physically, even at this age, I think is super important. You know, I'd always had mental goals for myself, reading so many books or trying to write a book. But physical goals for myself at this age, I'm really [00:20:00] kind of proud of myself that I'm doing it.

Yeah, that's

say to myself, for this one [: 00:20:15

One hour. Because I do believe in time boxing. I [00:20:30] think that's hugely important. I don't ever have to do that again. That's right. Like I like to free myself from it mentally for that moment. For this one hour, I'm going to go do my best and just see how I feel. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Cs, teeny tiny doable chunks.[: 00:20:45

And if you're a perfectionist like me who gets perfectionist paralysis, or you have ADD like I do, which you get distracted when you're in the middle of something, I have to have super tiny little time allotments and super tiny goals. And it really is the [00:21:00] secret, I think, to success of building beautiful long term goals.

Aransas: I agree. That and not having to have all the answers before you start.

rough grief as a widow. Just [: 00:21:15

Aransas: Thank you for saying that in that way, because again, it's transferable skills.

Totally. What you learn in business is fueling life, right? Like the old coaching adage, how we do one thing is how we do everything. That's

Holly: so true.

Aransas: And [: 00:21:30

Holly: Every area.

Aransas: And the muscles we don't build in one area of our life, we don't have in any area of our lives.

And to me that's [: 00:21:45

Holly: It's a good reminder, isn't it? But it's, it's a holistic process. One affects the other, personally and professionally, our skills, our new mindsets, et cetera.

makes it feel more valuable, [: 00:22:00

Holly: I am a firm believer in filling my own cup before others because I've done the reverse and it doesn't work well. And you know, I fill a lot of cups as I'm sure you do. A 91 [00:22:45] year old mother and my two 20 something year old children, my spouse, my friends, my colleagues and clients. I mean, A few of my practices to feel really grounded and refreshed and kind of get back to me.

ower. I'm one of those lucky [: 00:23:00

Wow. No wonder

Aransas: your skin is so beautiful.

nt or spiritual improvement. [: 00:23:30

That's

awesome. So amazing and fun. [: 00:23:45

Holly: Yeah. Come hang out with me. One

o happen and not leaving it. [: 00:24:00

Holly: It doesn't happen when I leave it to chance. Yeah. Just know that. And especially in the beginning when you're trying to make it a habit, right, it takes three weeks to get that habit going, but I still schedule it on my calendar, playtime with my husband, with my [00:24:15] friends, with my kids, conversations with my kids.

ever falter and we actually [: 00:24:30

And it's a really amazing thing in our [00:24:45] relationship that I've never had before and it really helps us stay connected and centered as well. That's really beautiful.

ot us all out of our chaotic [: 00:25:00

Holly: Yeah.

as much of the felt need, it [: 00:25:15

Of course. And so it's like business meeting.

I book these times. Are you [: 00:25:45

Holly: a habit. Initially what I did was color coding on my outlet calendar.

mpanies, time management for [: 00:26:00

So my kids were always turquoise. My spouse was a darker blue. My training events and coaching events were green because they made money. My yellow was any kind of client meeting or prep work I needed to make money. [00:26:30] My orange was spiritual or volunteer. And so, and I still use it to this day. But. What's interesting about that little process or tool is that I could plan out and look at my balance for the week ahead, but I could also go [00:26:45] backwards and look at the week or month before and say, How much orange is there?

ve got an issue and I got to [: 00:27:00

Aransas: And I find that when I get imbalanced like that, I really feel it in every arena, including the one that was getting all the time.

ress comes out in every area [: 00:27:15

Yeah. To me, it really helps to remember that though, because otherwise, like, it's like, The siren song of responsibility.

It's so true. It's so true. [: 00:27:45

Aransas: Whoever screams loudest gets the most attention.

Holly: And it really shouldn't be. My husband was just reminding me that it's not who screams loudest to get your attention.

ion. He's really a good life [: 00:28:00

Aransas: Aransas: There's so much love and hope in your story. [00:28:15] Thank you. What do you hope people take from it?

Holly: Well, today is my late husband's anniversary of going to heaven,

music: so

to be some loss and pain and [: 00:28:30

You know, you'll get there. And one of the ways to get there is just don't [00:28:45] help yourself, but help others and get outside of yourself. Plan, play, because play is the antithesis of sorrow and grief and really live life to the fullest. Try new things, meet new people. Life [00:29:00] doesn't end when there's grief or tragedy.

Sometimes it just begins.

Aransas: Mmm. So beautiful, Holly. I'm so glad we met. Thank you to Gerilyn Berg for nominating you. I can't wait to see where we go next.

Holly: Yes. [: 00:29:15

It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one of these beautiful stories. Mmm. [00:30:00]

it ing. Toss a star in H for [: 00:30:15

With that hindsight, bring the sun to t. Lift you up, [00:30:30] woah, lift you up, woah, lift you up, woah,

lift you up.[: 00:30:45

Lift you up, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, [00:31:00] oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Beautiful.

t, in the pre chorus, right? [: 00:31:15