Building Your Abundance Mindset: What's in Your Luggage with Karisma Jay

TUP EP 117

[: 00:00:00

I'm your host, Aransas Sve, and I'm a little bit giddy right now because I'm actually recording this intro just after re-listening to the episode you're about to hear. [00:00:45] Today, I get to introduce you to Charisma J. This episode is so freaking. It feels so right on time for this moment. I think so many of us are feeling [00:01:00] short on resources right now.

ing about is kind of hitting [: 00:01:15

She's performed on Broadway, but featured in the New York Times, [00:01:45] taught at Julliard and somehow still finds time to mentor the next generation of. She's been really successful, but that doesn't mean that everything has come easy. And what she's gonna talk [00:02:00] to us about today is the power of perspective.

en to this episode again and [: 00:02:15

Okay. Charisma. Welcome.

ting, how uplifting, oh, my. [: 00:02:45

You know, it's so funny, I used to resent the Jack of all trades comment because I was just like, why do people keep, and then I heard the [00:03:15] end and I. There it is. It's the fulfillment of mastery, right? It's the going after all the non-linear parts of ourselves because no one is monolithic. We are so many [00:03:30] things, even in, uh, one single conversation, there's nuance, right?

loset to just be filled with [: 00:03:45

And that's actually a hint of orange black and that, you know, there are so many undertones. So in terms of me [00:04:00] and the word multihyphenate. It's really encompassing of all the commas I have, all the versions of me. It allows me to keep evolving and growing. I get to express myself in so many [00:04:15] different ways, and I'm just really humbled that the world receives me in that way because we've kind of arrived to that.

like you had to do this one [: 00:04:30

I'm like, you don't even fish lady. You know? It's like you get to be who you want be as. Yes. And it's only limited by your own interest and passion and willingness to learn. [00:05:00] Correct. That said, I think for all of us who have lived on lots of roads, right, we can look back and see some through lines. Yeah.

d look at what connects your [: 00:05:15

I feel so seed because the through line for me really is artistry. Mm-hmm. I, there's an art to the way I tie my shoe. There's an art to the glasses we choose. Right? There's an art to my [00:05:45] size, earrings, or what I decide to put on my lip. Like I like to express myself in all these different ways because I'm an artist and I am grateful.

very beginning. I have been [: 00:06:00

This girl has [00:06:30] making a choice. Shout out to my for surrendering that control to.

bout who I am, that's really [: 00:06:45

Are you ever afraid to express yourself? Are you kidding me? Absolutely. Thank you [00:07:15] for saying yes, because I'm glad I'm not alone. The trickiest part is like knowing what you know and still being scared anyway, right? So it's like I can coach anyone through a hard time, and the hardest [00:07:30] thing I've had to do in my life, I would say is coach myself.

ike I know it, and yet we're [: 00:07:45

And then balance the fact that my feelings [00:08:15] can be fleeting, because they are just feelings. So what do I need to do? Where do I need to go? Who do I need to be around so that my feelings don't stay in that dark place? So my feelings, you know, like. It's [00:08:30] almost like I need everything around me to give me me back.

owing today. Excited moment. [: 00:08:45

[00:09:00] They actually give me me back when I can't give me to myself. Mm-hmm. So it's like pouring into it when you have it available to give. Yeah, and that's the thing that I think we as a, just a tool need to utilize more [00:09:15] often. It's like, okay, if you know you're gonna need sunscreen the next time you travel.

oot, you know, it's the last [: 00:09:30

And I'm like at the gift shop, like, how much [00:09:45] are you charging for this? I, you know, I spent all my money on this luxury vacation million.

I prepare [: 00:10:00

I've toured, I've lived more of my life outta suitcases, traveling the world than I have been at home. [00:10:30] Right. I used to like be outside. And recently I'm like taking like real stock in terms of I like home, you know? Like I like. Mm-hmm. And what do I like at home? I didn't know. So I needed to ask myself, well, what do you like when you come back from a trip [00:10:45] when you're on tour for all these months?

do I want to explore today? [: 00:11:00

Asking myself, and I can give that to myself. I can give that to [00:11:15] myself. Like, what can I give to myself? And it's really. It's a lot of work because I have not always been this structured or this organized or this, right? So I'm like, I don't like tripping over my shoes. Mm-hmm. So lemme put them away the [00:11:30] time before.

rtains to relationships when.[: 00:11:45

Oh. So that is what I like, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that work is, that's, it's rooted in therapy. It's rooted in books, it's rooted in journaling. Like I, [00:12:00] um, say all the time, like I've done the artist way several times, and it's a book by Julia Cameron. It's like my artist bible. It's not like it is my artist bible.

t up. It's so on brand. It's [: 00:12:15

It's, so how can we, you know, take that discipline across all disciplines? How can we take, you know, and so. The last time I just finished it at the beginning of this year, the artist's way, [00:13:00] and I did it with such a commitment, like, like I was marrying myself. Mm, I am doing this as if I'm coaching myself, as if I am holding myself to the same accountability that I would if someone else asked that of me.

So that's the work. [: 00:13:15

Like it has to be straight mm. Right? If you go to partner for a lift, there's no bucking buckling, no. You are going to get this lift to work [00:13:45] and what do you need to do to get this to work? It's really that athletic approach. It's input and output. It's the chemistry of it all right? You pour these two, you know, ACL, you have some na, you have some cl, right?

You, [: 00:14:00

And I, I think of that as context in a lot of cases. Yes. Right. Like in what context do I. Act like an adult for myself. In what? Context?[00:14:30]

Context, fun

o do. Remember what we said, [: 00:14:45

It was, this is what she responds to. This is what she likes. [00:15:15] And so there is this self-discovery. It seems like happening constantly for you of going, what do I like? What does feel good to me? What do I want more of and less of? And letting those very personal insights [00:15:30] lead your choices. Is that how you choose?

omatic. I don't have control [: 00:15:45

What is will be There is no way. I mean, I've literally seen mountains.

s no way I've seen miracles. [: 00:16:15

It used to be very scary because I didn't have [00:16:45] trust. I was trying to force it. I was trying to make it work. I was faking it. I remember. One time this woman said to me, oh, we can just rework it. And I'm like, you can't rework what is right. Like, it just is, it's no. I'm like, no. You [00:17:00] trying to manipulate this thing to make it something and brush the dust off of it?

ip that away. So for me, I'm [: 00:17:15

I can just be, and it comes true to its being in front of me. [00:17:30] And then what do you say to yourself when it doesn't come to be okay and you're trying to let go? Okay. Okay. There is a way that I just let myself say, okay, because I've seen so [00:17:45] many receipts on this, like I'm telling you, I just keep playing back over and over again.

e, that censoring that. That [: 00:18:00

The moments that reassured my faith when I couldn't see. I play that so often. I mean to the point where even right now as an artist, I'm gonna be straight up. There's no money. I've never been negative that way. I've always [00:18:30] been abundant, right? I've always been in a place of like supreme positivity. And this year specifically, I have seen negatives so many times in my bank account, I've seen like moving things.[00:18:45]

gs. Mm-hmm. Life is life in. [: 00:19:00

What are some tools again, what, what can I lean on? What's in my luggage that I can go back to? Right? And I'm like, lemme go back in my luggage and get my journal and I just [00:19:15] write out. A million times over the same thing. Even if that's all I write, that is me remembering the miracle. You know, like bringing the miracle forward of what is possible, even in the midst of what [00:19:30] seems like impossibility.

as not for you was not worth [: 00:19:45

Yeah, we have. Because there are resources in short supply. Yeah, but what resources do you.

lutely, and that's the thing [: 00:20:15

Like I remember. But you know, my family came from another country. They were immigrants. They scrubbed floors. They like stave children, other people's [00:20:45] children to just like make it happen. Right. And I still have seen some of the most beautiful resilience in my life. I've seen. There still be joy when a Sell Ya Cruise song [00:21:00] comes on, or you know, like we all just like come together.

really blessed, I would say, [: 00:21:15

It looks bleak. It looks dark. It looks like terror. Right? [00:21:30] And I really am grateful that I've been able to balance with the. Yeah. And I, I think that's it. It's finding the good and because both [00:21:45] are are happening in all of our lives all the time. And it's not all the time. Fake positivity. No, it's very real.

e sitting in like a war zone [: 00:22:00

So I genuinely believe that there is still good and we just have to find it. Hmm. And so long as we're going after it, we're seeking it out. I feel that the universe, [00:22:30] God, the ancestors, everybody just like conspires to keep fueling us. And it's constantly a question of what's right for right now. Ooh, that's good.

a change. It's gonna change. [: 00:22:45

Mm-hmm. Because I would like pick up the step and then see you struggling and like go behind you [00:23:15] and help you do it or what have you. And I was like five, four or five, if I got the step, I'm gonna like help. So there's always been that nurturing spirit and that kind of like motherly. I gotta like take everybody with me energy.

first official class when I [: 00:23:30

[00:23:45] Dance is kind of what brought me into this world and it's probably gonna take me out. Dance is where I start teaching is what I can do, but it's not all of who I am. Mm-hmm. I do notice though, when you speak [00:24:00] of through lines, all of the work I make does have an educational and entertainment component to it.

because I genuinely love to [: 00:24:15

It's almost always because they're not learning and I'm kind of a belief that's beautiful, right? Like I'm gonna believe, like we don't even have to like learn anything useful. Learning anything [00:24:45] can reawaken us. That is incredible. And I guess to your point, I'm just like thinking back to my life. Yeah, thus far I'm always in a state of learning.

I always [: 00:25:00

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Totally agree. Yeah. It's like this isn't, this isn't fun anymore because I'm not. Getting my fuel from it. Right, right. Yeah, absolutely. As I, as I looked at your bio, [00:25:45] it was like a, it really did highlight for me your passion for giving to others through nurturing, and so I'm curious with.

All these years. Literally. [: 00:26:00

The hard stuff. Mm-hmm. The [00:26:30] stuff that I don't wanna face. The conversations I didn't have or didn't wanna have or avoided the. The hurt that was just too hurtful and I couldn't even face it. I couldn't bring it up. I couldn't talk about it. I, I have [00:26:45] actually found so much more available to me when I deal with that stuff, when I face that stuff, when I have those hard conversations.

have found way more healing. [: 00:27:00

Those things are things I've been calling forth literally and figuratively. I've been like, you know what? I done, I done tripped over this bag [00:27:30] so many times trying to plug the lamp in over there, what is in this bag, right? And unpacking literally. Mm-hmm. That stuff. There were films that [00:27:45] came that I didn't see possible.

cipate I have given. So much [: 00:28:00

Or it could take the whole front load, right. And it's like, dang it.

What do I do? So for me, [: 00:28:30

It's not going away. It's not going away. It's because we as humans and it's hurtful stuff. Like, I'm not saying this is easy, it's very painful. However, I'm just like, you know, I'm not afraid, [00:29:00] and I wrote this in my journal the other day, I'm really proud of myself that I'm not afraid to face the pain of what might be painful.

Like I am not afraid to. I'm [: 00:29:15

Then what will be Will be what won't. Won't. Who will be, will be who won't, won't. Like I get answers. Mm-hmm. [00:29:45] And that to me is more dear to me. That is more important to me than the pride of I'm okay. Or you know, I'm good. I don't need to, it's fine, it's fine. It ain't fine. It's not fine. It's gonna get fine though [00:30:00] because I it fine, but it ain't fine.

And this is how. Thats answers of what I like. Its and strengthens who I.

[: 00:30:15

Whether it's something about yourself, something about where you're standing, something about what you're seeing, something about who you're talking to. The minute that that changes, everything changes. [00:31:00] So I have been like, you know, I remember one time I was traveling to Mexico, my grandmother, she's like, be careful.

bing and they're, and all of [: 00:31:15

You know, it's like perspective is something. Yeah. [00:31:30] Because if you are not sitting in the experience presently, then you are going to think all kinds of things, but you could be actually in the experience and not be experiencing that at all. Yeah, so [00:31:45] for me, I've been dancing also, so I've been dancing with trust, right?

dancing with being present. [: 00:32:00

I need to change my environment. I need to change who I'm around, blah, blah, blah. And in that like little dance of being present, which is a big [00:32:15] dance, it's a huge number. Mm-hmm. It's a, it's the finale. It's the production actually. It's the production of present. Okay. Starring me in the production of being present.

can declutter again. I could [: 00:32:30

That's actually not on this trip. That's why, listen, it's been work though. I'm saying this again, not as an expert. I'm an expert. I'm inside of it. How empowering though to think that [00:33:00] the way through is to do the hard work? No. Isn't that something? That's the thing that really trips me up. Like I was a math major at one point in college and I'm just like.

w, and I done calculus, read [: 00:33:15

Yeah. It's [00:33:30] a straight knee. It's like you have to straighten the knee if you want it to be straight. It's funny too, because the arms can look fabulous, but if the knee ain't straight, nobody cared. Honey, if the foot ain't pointed, you didn't do. You didn't do the, that's just what that is. It's so funny, you know, we're in this [00:33:45] season of gentle parenting, and I get that there's a way that we all were raised, that we all had been being raised that was toxic.

things that were just like, [: 00:34:00

That just like freed me of so much because there was so much that we thought we were just supposed to just take and want and we wanted it, and we asked for it and we didn't. Mm-hmm. Now we're in this phase where I feel like if we [00:34:30] prevent our children from growing through things, they're not going to grow.

hurt that is like savior of [: 00:34:45

Come on is like, oh no, I need to protect myself. Oh no, I don't want to feel that. I don't want them to [00:35:00] go through what I went through, and I just find that that's a bit unrealistic, like mm-hmm. We're gonna fall like we are. News alert. Hey, spoiler, you guys. Spoiler. Spoiler. Alert. Alert. In the next episode of your life, [00:35:15] you're gonna fall.

re gonna break your glasses, [: 00:35:30

Coming at you live, [00:35:45] you know, from, it's like, so yeah, we, we have to have the courage to be like, yo, let's go like, strap up your boots. Let's do it. Come on. What else? Mm-hmm. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah, [00:36:00] now I'm that much stronger. I'm, last year I ruptured my Achilles. I'm like, whoa. And I wouldn't even do it. It takes a long time to recover.

was offended for like nine, [: 00:36:15

That's annoying. Okay, got it. With that though, I do see, there was a part of me that was like mad that I, and I'm like, girl, hey. You're not perfect. It's okay. Yeah, yeah. You [00:36:45] know? Yeah. I threw my back out, sitting at my desk. I threw my back out before too. Girl. Don't even get me started. Exactly. I was, I was offended.

e moment. Right. It was from [: 00:37:00

So you've done so many big, brave things in your life. Oh my [00:37:15] goodness. Thank you. And this podcast is living proof that we can do big, brave things. What's the next big, brave thing for you? Charisma. Let me start off by saying I do big, brave things, scared, and I do them anyway. I lean into [00:37:30] what scares me because that's the stuff like you said about like creating the always learning dynamic in our lives.

do it anyway. And so for me, [: 00:37:45

So I'm like [00:38:00] having to coach myself while directing and you know, is this good? Is this good action? You know, I'm like, literally, literally. That's literally what's happening. So I'm like, is this good? Is it going well? Is it working? Is it working? How am I [00:38:15] still am? That's not what's going on. And it's courage.

film festivals. Straight out [: 00:38:30

If I [00:38:45] did the Brave thing, it would be a love story. And I'm like, no, I'm not gonna, no, I'm not gonna, no, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna, I'm probably gonna start. I literally started to cry. Oh my gosh. Yeah, [00:39:00] because it's, you know, love is nuanced and it's something that I am still learning, and it's something that.

cence, I thought by this big [: 00:39:15

Like I thought I would [00:39:30] have the answer. The mathematician in me thought I would have this answer solved. Would be solved, right? I love a good X equals honey. Don't get me started. So in the solving of that. I am learning to release [00:39:45] control so that I can just be in it instead of having an answer for it.

present, right? Mm-hmm. The [: 00:40:00

It's so funny too, because I have a really, I have such a great [00:40:15] chosen circle of family. Like the people who I have strategically and emotionally and lovingly put in my circle are like top tier, and I'm really, really grateful for all of them. They know who they are, who [00:40:30] know me, not know me as. Because that's different.

ountable. So the other day I [: 00:40:45

She's absolutely right. That would be me not doing the brave thing. Ah-huh. So we need those kind stepping back an inch. Yeah. We need those kind of people who know us and know [00:41:15] us enough to say no K and OW. That's how we stay stuck in the patterns. Correct. Because without that, correct. Yeah. There's no and no.

Right. So. Yeah. No, no, [: 00:41:30

Yes. To be like, um, go this way a little bit. This is where you said you were going. I thought you meant here. [00:42:00] Exactly. Because we get scared and we're in all of us. How do I get out? What do I need? Do? Mm-hmm. So every guest on our show nominates another guest [00:42:15] Who inspires you that you wanna nominate as an uplifter?

ate for artists. Herself and [: 00:42:30

She brings me up in [00:42:45] rooms I'm not in. All the time, and she does it without needing any recognition or sometimes I don't even know she genuinely believes in me. I would also have to say in this moment, my mom, my mom does so [00:43:00] much for so many, she is like everybody's mom. I lend her to so many people and she uplifts me sometimes more than I see her do it for herself.

watch that even as coaches, [: 00:43:15

So as uplifters to your, we love to lift others up, how can.

t question. You better work. [: 00:43:45

Social media time. Can but not have, be an influencer and have, which is interesting. Uh, [00:44:15] yes, yes, yes. So. I know strategically and analytically in order to quote unquote appear like I have influence. I need numbers, I need views, I need likes, I need [00:44:30] clicks, I need all of that. And as an artist, I'm actually in the field doing the art and doing the work.

e. Looks like that. Advocacy [: 00:44:45

We need to do what's long term in, in this game because yeah, art is getting cut. Things are just, it's just a lot going on. And for me, [00:45:15] when I make something. I've had in the past, people feel so uplifted by it and they're crying. All of that has happened in my experience, and that's not to take away from it.

ting and it left me still at [: 00:45:30

One is not enough. I [00:46:00] loved meeting you and I can't wait to share your story and thank you. Thank you for having me. I will. With so much integrity, like I can share everything you do. You better work. I'm ready. Listen, I was just telling my partner, [00:46:15] I was like, you know, I really just appreciate the fact that when I share with you what I need.

I do it. Mm-hmm. Empowering. [: 00:46:30

Exactly. And then getting to work. I need to do, yeah. More than thank you for doing all that you're doing. Just even the seed that planting. We need [00:47:00] upliftment. That's more of what we need. Like actually, there's plenty to drag us down. Correct. Even in the work that I do, I really have been working hard to stay true to like the wholesomeness of my work.

I don't [: 00:47:15

I need them to be uplifted as I am in my pursuit of upliftment. So I'm like, yeah, let's. Squabble up. That's what this feels like. It's like [00:47:45] get the squad together because we all are not okay with how it's been going, and we're doing, we're doing something about it. Everything around us says the only thing that thrives is controversy.

're saying, I don't wanna be [: 00:48:00

It's like organic food. It's like once you take away the chemical, like yes, the pesticide, like have you ever bit into an heirloom tomato, like an organic heirloom? Like [00:48:30] guys, are you kidding? It's different. It's different, babe. It's wholesome. It's fulfilling. Breathes life for generations. Yes. Yes. At first it used to offend me and [00:48:45] now I just find it funny like if our films or any of my projects like don't get chosen for things and then I see like some toxic stuff get chosen.

y new tagline for this show, [: 00:49:00

That's all. It's like, you know, we could be loving. Hmm. [00:49:15] That could be joyful. Hmm. It could change the world. Radical. Yeah. It's, it's very radical. It's radical to be loving. Yeah. It's not something, but like, not have drama. Like even with some of my friends, some of my [00:49:30] relationships, it's always just like. Oh, you don't know how to be loved.

you knowing how to be loved. [: 00:49:45

I'm not responsible for teaching you how to be loved. Nah. That's a. [00:50:00] Listen. Shout out to us. Shout out to you. Shout out to like choosing the positive and wholesome way to do things. Shout out to healing and actually being healed. Shout out to love and loving in return. Yeah, and we learned [00:50:15] this by example.

we have, the sum totals, the [: 00:50:30

We surround ourselves with love. Thank you.

e getting a boost from these [: 00:50:45

Big love [00:51:15] painted water, sunshine with rosemary. I'm dwelling, perplexing. You find it.

nd best love relish in a new [: 00:51:30

lift you up,[00:51:45]

lift you up,

lift you up.

Lift you up.[: 00:52:00

Lift you

lift.[: 00:52:15

Beautiful. I cried. It's that little thing you did with your voice, right? In the pre-course, right? Uh, Uhhuh. I was like, [00:52:30] mommy, quiet mommy. Stop crying. You're disturbing the peace.